Mariposa
Thu Jan 28 2010, 10:13am
Hi all, you might remember my last thread about my job, as my dad's secretary, being a big fat mess, I mean, my undone work.
I have intentions for this year to be organized and properly arranged, on a daily basis.
I'm not sure I can say that I would LIKE to be of help to my dad (if I liked this I would have done it all these months) I do know he does need it. Clearly, in the past (taking this present moment as a fresh one yet to create) I have not been of help, I have helped very little.
I know that my best work here, the one I do most efficiently, is cooking lunch for us. I do the groceries, I get lunch ready.
I sometimes burn the food too (not too much that we can't eat it but leaving the kitchen smelly which upsets dad big time), and don't salt it as much as dad would like me to, but we eat everyday, and I wash dishes after, there's no problem there.
When it comes to the administrative work, well, I suck at it. Not because I am dumb, but because I don't care for it, and, as you might've heard me say, I am not good at the things I don't care about.
There, that's a statement of creation, probably, we could say my task is to revert this belief...
But... I am leaning towards a different direction here...
what if I am really good at something and I do that as a job instead?
What if I actually engage myself in something I am GOOD at and stop wasting my time trying to be something I am not?
I feel these are two options that, in theory, are both as possible:
Either to:
Be an efficient secretary here, help my father... :confused:
Be an efficient whatever else I am naturally good at...:rolleyes:
I also feel I am as far from being one as from the other.
I don't know what would be best. I guess I don't because my fears and limiting beliefs are not allowing my wellbeing to flow freely.
These are, that my dad won't find any1... and that he needs ME. Only not the way I work, but better, good.
And the other fear is I won't find anything I am good at
...
I know that what I'm good at is sining, and English speaking and writing, but
I won't find a paying job related to those skills.
Right now, I just cannot bail out on my father, and I also have many many benefits working here:
I can leave early
I can be late if I have some appointment
I can abetalk
sing
listen to music
exercise in my spinning bike
make myself a fruit shake whenever I feel like it
nap!!
talk to my friends
use MSN
use facebook
and even take time to, I dunno, pluck my armpits :p
I even had a friend over for while yesterday..
and still get paid for all of this...
oh boy... I just procrastinate on and on and on about this, should I stay or should I go? Also, if I want to rent an apartment to move out of my mom's place, I'd need a better paid job.
I am just being lazy here.
My friend says I am having these panic attacks and difficulty in braething because I am not doing what I want with my life.
I am going to a shrink now, so worry not, lol, I am on my way to my better life... I know it...
now, does anyone of you have any words of encouragement about this? lived similar experiences?
Abe quotes?
Anything...
if you don't, I am still finding relief in writing this... so I appreciate this space.
Love you Rodney for creating it, and I'm still considering what you said, a website desinged to organize all the administrative crap around here...
:heart: all is well:heart:
just venting a lil bit here... :p
I have intentions for this year to be organized and properly arranged, on a daily basis.
I'm not sure I can say that I would LIKE to be of help to my dad (if I liked this I would have done it all these months) I do know he does need it. Clearly, in the past (taking this present moment as a fresh one yet to create) I have not been of help, I have helped very little.
I know that my best work here, the one I do most efficiently, is cooking lunch for us. I do the groceries, I get lunch ready.
I sometimes burn the food too (not too much that we can't eat it but leaving the kitchen smelly which upsets dad big time), and don't salt it as much as dad would like me to, but we eat everyday, and I wash dishes after, there's no problem there.
When it comes to the administrative work, well, I suck at it. Not because I am dumb, but because I don't care for it, and, as you might've heard me say, I am not good at the things I don't care about.
There, that's a statement of creation, probably, we could say my task is to revert this belief...
But... I am leaning towards a different direction here...
what if I am really good at something and I do that as a job instead?
What if I actually engage myself in something I am GOOD at and stop wasting my time trying to be something I am not?
I feel these are two options that, in theory, are both as possible:
Either to:
Be an efficient secretary here, help my father... :confused:
Be an efficient whatever else I am naturally good at...:rolleyes:
I also feel I am as far from being one as from the other.
I don't know what would be best. I guess I don't because my fears and limiting beliefs are not allowing my wellbeing to flow freely.
These are, that my dad won't find any1... and that he needs ME. Only not the way I work, but better, good.
And the other fear is I won't find anything I am good at
...
I know that what I'm good at is sining, and English speaking and writing, but
I won't find a paying job related to those skills.
Right now, I just cannot bail out on my father, and I also have many many benefits working here:
I can leave early
I can be late if I have some appointment
I can abetalk
sing
listen to music
exercise in my spinning bike
make myself a fruit shake whenever I feel like it
nap!!
talk to my friends
use MSN
use facebook
and even take time to, I dunno, pluck my armpits :p
I even had a friend over for while yesterday..
and still get paid for all of this...
oh boy... I just procrastinate on and on and on about this, should I stay or should I go? Also, if I want to rent an apartment to move out of my mom's place, I'd need a better paid job.
I am just being lazy here.
My friend says I am having these panic attacks and difficulty in braething because I am not doing what I want with my life.
I am going to a shrink now, so worry not, lol, I am on my way to my better life... I know it...
now, does anyone of you have any words of encouragement about this? lived similar experiences?
Abe quotes?
Anything...
if you don't, I am still finding relief in writing this... so I appreciate this space.
Love you Rodney for creating it, and I'm still considering what you said, a website desinged to organize all the administrative crap around here...
:heart: all is well:heart:
just venting a lil bit here... :p