Abetalk is starting to feel like the rest of the world

[Mariposa]

Blah blah blah nobody cares what I think or feel, it's my problem.

I am 798% responsible for my emotions.

blah blah blah law of attraction.

The world is my mirror, blah blah.

Awesome.

My thread is not about us all BEING THE SAME AND THINKING the same.

My thread is about healthy interaction, respect and you don't care because all there is is FREEDOM and MY SHAKY INSECURE VIBRATION, so screw ME.

[cigi]

why do I get slapped in the face when I come to abetalk?

like I am out in the street?

LOL I know what I'll do: I'll RAMPAGE ABOUT MY LOVELY RESPECTFUL COMMUNITY WHERE THEY ALL COMMUNICATE WITH LOVE AND WHENEVER THERE IS DISAGREEMENT THEY EXPRESS IT WITH RESPECT, AND I WILL USE BIG FONTS! AND I WILL USE EMOTICONS!!!! AND IT WILL USE colors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and the universe will hear me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck


Maris - Look at this:

[12/4/2009 7:41:32 PM] cigi: I use black
[12/4/2009 7:41:39 PM] cigi: I wanna be different
[12/4/2009 7:41:49 PM] Chamber: you use black....like your heart lolI'm the one who should be insulted, but am I mad? No. :facelol: Cause I know Chamber. He likes to joke around & so do I. When someone uses humor to engage you in conversation it is NOT the same as "slapping you in the face."

It is however, your choice to perceive something as either insulting or funny. Always.

I love choices.:heart:

[Pina Colada]

you would just laugh it off.

Yesterday,I mentioned I love Shakira's She Wolf song :cool:
And Cigi posted Pink's Stupid girls song.XD

I don't know what that exactly was,and some people would find that insulting,but it was so funny to me.^^

So maybe those two goofballs just have a different way of expressing themselves?Maybe you got even more clear now on what you prefer,that you will enjoy it more?

And maybe I wanna have a lesbo affair with you?

These are all very important questions to consider.

I love the hair out of you cutie pie.:heart::heart::heart:

[Rodney]

I didn't know Chamber posted here anymore. :grin:

[cigi]

Actually, Pina - what you said was:

Originally Posted by Pina Colada http://abetalk.com/images/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://abetalk.com/showthread.php?p=78138#post78138)

Note to self: Dress nicely and learn how to dance.


I posted "Stupid Girl" in response to Brian's selection of videos while referencing the Dali Lama's statement about Western Women. That was actually the insult in the thread.

Surprise!:facelol:

[Izzy]

Nobody can "make you" feel or look like anything. Only you can.

If your mom died on Tuesday but you only find out on Friday, you'll feel bad on Friday, not Tuesday. So, it's not the event that makes you feel bad, but your perception of it. Whatever meaning you give it.

Now if you're giving your power away to someone else and let them dictate how you feel, that's only YOUR problem. No one else's. Their intentions don't matter. Only what you make out of them does.

catfish?

[Pina Colada]

Actually, Pina - what you said was:



I posted "Stupid Girl" in response to Brian's selection of videos while referencing the Dali Lama's statement about Western Women. That was actually the insult in the thread.

Surprise!:facelol:
Oh dear,you can't expect of me to remember what I said a whole day ago...I'm senile..After all,I am a woman in my early twenties...

[TornadoOfFury]

Actually, Pina - what you said was:



I posted "Stupid Girl" in response to Brian's selection of videos while referencing the Dali Lama's statement about Western Women. That was actually the insult in the thread.

Surprise!:facelol:

I've got it! Just be too stupid to realize that someone else is insulting you. It works like magic!

[asjairok]

If your mom died on Tuesday but you only find out on Friday, you'll feel bad on Friday, not Tuesday.

Izzy has a dark side http://www.smeski.com/razni/nagajivi/smiley_02.gif

You can NOT open that thread.


not really, too curious.


I posted "Stupid Girl" in response to Brian's selection of videos while referencing the Dali Lama's statement about Western Women. That was actually the insult in the thread.

Surprise!:facelol:
http://www.smeski.com/razni/nagajivi/036.gif we knew dragonfly

[Pina Colada]

I've got it! Just be too stupid to realize that someone else is insulting you. It works like magic!
True.


http://www.smeski.com/razni/nagajivi/036.gif
Love that emote!

[cigi]

I've got it! Just be too stupid to realize that someone else is insulting you. It works like magic!

You Brian, are a sneaky little trouble maker. Have I told you recently that I have a massive e-crush on you? :love:

[AttractionFactor]

Maris,
for me Abetalk is not a place to hide from the world (street, workplace, peers) in the sake of "spirituality"

It's just a micro universe. The more stuck to reality the better. It serves as practice for real life. It's good to train the brain.



I agree Adal how Abetalk can train us to interact differently in the "physical" world. I had this same conversation with Natasha on Skype once, where we begin to carry our conversations through cyberspace to personal encounters with people in our daily encounters. Through Abetalk, I've become much more interactive with people. Believe it or not, I used to be very serious, but after Abetalk, I've become goofy and fun. :) I've learned to chill with people, far more than I ever have. I don't whip out pictures with people that I talk too (grin), but I do have a lot of one liners (which I've practiced from posting them here) that seem to get my interactions really going.

And it's a good thing.


IT's nice to be bitchy. I became 100 times more assertive in real life thanks to abetalk. I became a bitch in abetalk. I became un hijo de la chingada aqui. :o


I've also learned to let my "bitch" out too, although I don't let it loose on this site, but I do observe it when others allow themselves to speak it. If I get annoyed with someone, like this lady at the McDonald's who cut me in line yesterday, where I told her I was next, as I had been waiting longer than her. She gave me this rant about how I should learn to read the signs that say this line is closed and this line is open. The real problem was just the management at the McDonald's was really bad, and cashiers don't do their shifts properly to serve customers, where they stay at their stations. They're too busy doing something else. But this bitchy lady didn't have to go off on me, so I got rude back. It wasn't very spiritual per say, according to how I would have thought a spiritual person would have acted, a few years back, since I wasn't being "nice," but it was very Abetalkish because I wasn't going to let some nasty bitch put me down.

I just said a few assertive words that I didn't appreciate being put down, and I was put-offish and rude, and she tried to counter back, aware that I wasn't really phased by her rant, but after saying what felt good to me, I left. And I felt like I just read and acted like an Abetalk thread, where people let out their emotions, while not giving a fuck if others liked what they wrote, but they just felt better.

It felt like basic Abraham 101. :facelol:

[River]

The essence of what I like about the posts were:
Sierra saying Be Yourself and don't care what others think.
Maris you don't know a person by what they post or I say, don't judge a person by the thoughts they had.
Steve, I always knew you were fun and funny.
I wish Chamber posted more often.
It is so good that Abetalk helps people in their lives. Me too, though I cannot say exactly how yet. I do like the friends and friendships I have here, the inspiration, and being an outlet for creative expression, plus exploring on the leading edge. It has a nice shared understanding of Bashar and Abraham in which gives many of us common ground and a language of understanding. I also like that we know each other pretty well, like we know what one another sounds like, even to the point of being able to predict when Steve will get jiggy wit da picture thang and the like.

:heart:shannon

[AttractionFactor]

h other pretty well, like we know what one another sounds like, even to the point of being able to predict when Steve will get jiggy wit da picture thang and the like.

:heart:shannon

get jiggy wit it Shannon!

http://my.picresize.com/vault/ZX62Q4RU0O.jpg

[River]

hahahaha Steve!:heart:shannon

[TornadoOfFury]

You Brian, are a sneaky little trouble maker. Have I told you recently that I have a massive e-crush on you? :love:

Not recently. :)

[Pina Colada]

Steve you shocked me.YOU were once serious?!:D:heart:

And I love what you said Adal.And Stevorino.
I am way more open and less shy in real life since being a forum slut lol.I just have to work a bit on my bitch vibe...I am too god damn nice.XD

[Pina Colada]

Womanly man whore?

[Pina Colada]

Hahahahahah!:heart:

[Bodhi]

I like this thread. Even though Abetalk is "located" in cyberspace LOA works here just like everywhere else, and that's the beauty.

It's the best place to practice what you see is what you get. It's helped me become more asertive as well, it's helped me become more comfortable with myself and with the choices I make, here and in the real world. I've become more light-hearted and silly and loving and playful and not caring about other people's opinions when they are not aligned with what I truly feel. This is the best LOA 4 seasons children's camp!

[AttractionFactor]

I LOVE ALL OF YOU SELFISH ABE PEEPS!:p:p

Be the loving, fun, bitchy people that you are, as long as it feels good to you!


If we were standing in your physical shoes, that would be our dominant quest: Entertaining Yourself, pleasing Yourself, connecting with Yourself, being Yourself, enjoying Yourself, loving Yourself. Some say, "Well, Abraham you teach selfishness. And we say, yes we do, yes we do, yes we do, because unless you are selfish enough to reach for that connection, you don't have anything to give anyone, anyway. And when you are selfish enough to make that connection -- you have an enormous gift that you give everywhere you are.

--- Abraham, Excerpted from the workshop in San Antonio, TX on Saturday, April 21st, 2001

[Mariposa]

Maris you don't know a person by what they post or I say, don't judge a person by the thoughts they had.

You think I judged a person, you are doing the same thing.

I do not judge Chamber.

I just don't like the way he replied to my post. And nobody cares, because it's not their problem, and it's


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall

my creation.


so if I tell you that Chamber came and killed my dog, you'll all come and tell me:

''your crappy vibration Maris! change ur vibration!''


''go Chamber! go follow your bliss, be selfish!''


''go freedom!''


bleh.

[Chamber]

Having an opinion and speaking it = being a dog killer

Genius. :clap:

[Chamber]

YouTube- Guns N' Roses - Welcome to the Jungle


...and when you're high...you never ever wanna come down.....

[Mariposa]

Abe: Well, do you think it’s your job to drag her in the boat?

Guest: No

Abe: And do you think if your did, that it would be a nice voyage?

Guest : No

Abe: For either one of you?

Guest: No

Abe: Do you think it is your responsibility to drag her into the vortex?

Guest: Maybe not drag her in

Abe: So …so, if you’ve let go of the dragging her in part , you’re just in there , whose job is it for her to get in?

Guest: Hers

Abe: And would you wish her to be dragged anywhere?

Guest: No

Abe: Even into the vortex? No.

Guest: No

Abe: Because…. because free will, creating your own reality, is so important to everyone, and so…so knowing what you know, and even hearing what you’ve heard today, what is your best plan for inspiring your daughter into the vortex?

Guest: Be an example

Abe: Which means you gotta be in there

Guest: Yes

Abe: And what happens to you when you focus upon her where she is ? It drags you out of the vortex !
Mexican Cruise 2/7 - 2/14/09


Abe: And would you wish her to be dragged anywhere?
Guest: No
Abe: Even into the vortex? No.

THAT was my point for this thread.

[Mariposa]

I think your point was that people here posted answers you didn't like. The thread title is Abetalk is starting to feel like the rest of the world.I dunno how to change thread tittles, so I kept it, but it's not written in stone, I wrote it when I was really angry. I think I am allowed to clarify what my point is, because I still hope some1 could consider it. Did you check the first post in this thread? I edited it by the way.

It's not about ''answers I don't like'', it's not about people answering from a different perspective than mine or not, it's about the way this perspective is communicated, is it inspiring? Just because this isn't the abeforum, it doesn't mean we shouldn't ask ourselves, what am I posting here? Specially when we are considering to reply in somebody's thread where they are reaching out for some clarity, which was my case. It was clear what my vibration WAS shaky and insecure, and every time I come post from this place, my intention is to gain some sort of clarity.

Just like you felt you wanted people to consider where they were quoting your words when you talked about your private life, I too, feel that I have the right to communicate to my fellow abetalkers what I want from this interaction.

Maybe I am the only one who feels this way, but just in case your intention is to inspire me, which many times I feel it is! Many of you do inspire me, many of you do uplift me, otherwise I wouldn't love this place so much. So for those of you who still are interested in having an interaction with me where we can both benefit, I am telling you this is me, these are my feelings, this is what works for me and this is what doesn't.

Just because we are all so freaking selfish and self oriented lalalala, it doesn't mean we will NEVER consider another person's feelings, or does it? I expect my feelings to be considered, if they were not considered in the past, or if Chamber and Cigi think they were making a point the way they wrote and enlightening me, well I am telling you now, just so you know, that it didn't. You don't all have to know who I am and what I like and what works for me, and how to help me, and how to SHOW ME WHAT YOU SEE SO CLEARLY. What happened in the past, is past, period.

I started this thread with an intention that came from the contrast. The contrast from my perception, was ''people in abetalk are harsh/rude/disrespectful of my feelings'', I was infuriated, I didn't know how to express myself or stand up for myself, I am clarifying this as the days pass. My statement of desire is: ''people in this forum will not treat me as any person who walks down the street would''. This is what I meant with this tittle. I usually felt comfortable posting here, knowing that it's a different environment, that abetalkers are spiritual, understanding, supporting people, who get my selfishness, and they will remind me what is possible and what is not, they will remind me of who I am, and they might show me the way to the clarity I want.

I just never expected that my very rampage of appreciation for the things I love to feel would get a ''you can't bullshit the universe'' kind of response. Because this is abetalk, where people DO RAMPAGES of appreciation all the time.

If Chamber, you had a message that you really wanted to convey to me, because you think I am so lost and confused and need the astonishing clarity that you have that I don't, then I tell you, next time you feel this way, don't bother, if the only way you can talk to me is through irony and sarcasm.

I can appreciate different perspectives, this is what I want to SET STRAIGHT. Everybody came and told me ''Marina, people will always have different perspectives''. I know this, this is not the point. The point is ABETALK. The point is WHO WE ARE. We are gathered here because we were all once searching for a truth, and we agreed this was our truth. We all feel the same way about it, maybe not exactly, but there is already alignment in our perspectives of who we are, and that's is why we are a community.

Is this a random bar or night club where we come to get hammered? No, it's a community.

Do you feel differently? Please, tell me.

Fine, this is getting boring, but the first 3/4 times I posted I was still very upset and didn't have the clarity I have now, I just felt like ranting.

Now, I have been posting in here for months and months. I have been searching for a truth that I could find some comfort in for years. I have found it and lost it again and again. I still dunno what I am doing here, I have gone to a therapist who said I needed to go to a doctor because I might need medication. My parents have tried many things for the last 7 or 8 years, they don't know how to help me. I am really really very lost in life, and I come to abetalk looking for some peace. Maybe you guys think I can handle a little sarcasm and I little black humor. Well I am telling you now, that I need help and I mean it. And when I post, the matter of my threads usually mean A LOT to me, because I am still looking for reason to live. I am not sure that I want to live, I am still looking for some sort of idea, that clicks in my mind, that makes me feel: yes, I want this! I will live for this! This is worth sticking around for.

If it gets you out of your vortex just to read how I keep looking and looking for something that I have already found, well, I'm sorry. It's uncomfortable for me most of all, just be glad that you have clarity and you know who you are and you want to live life so much more than I do. Just please show me how it feels for you, this clarity.

Or be a mirror, and show me more discomfort, I just don't see what's the point in this vicious circle though.

Maybe Rodney is right, when I ask for clarity from a place of lack, I will never get it, but where else would I start?

Sorry Leah for the longest reply to your short post. I appreciate that you didn't try to drag me into the vortex, but I wouldn't say the same thing about others. I appreciate your posts, you are off the hook :p Fine, fine, so is the rest of the group! I am still gonna speak my mind anyway, if you mind...

Thank you all for caring enough to reply to this thread... Now that I'm not mad, I can appreciate it... took few days though... XD love to all :heart:

[Bodhi]

Marina,

I think you're amazing for always speaking your mind.

Me, myself and I are more comfortable saying "meh" or just ignoring things I find ridiculous, but that's just me.

I love you girl. SO much. :love::love::love:

[Pina Colada]

I do that too Tasha.

Marina,we all love you and are happy to kiss your ass.Well,at least I am:heart:

[cigi]

So for those of you who still are interested in having an interaction with me where we can both benefit, I am telling you this is me, these are my feelings, this is what works for me and this is what doesn't.

Thank you Maris for clarifying the ground rules of how we are to address you. I will certainly keep that in mind going forward.


Just because we are all so freaking selfish and self oriented lalalala, it doesn't mean we will NEVER consider another person's feelings, or does it? I expect my feelings to be considered, if they were not considered in the past, or if Chamber and Cigi think they were making a point the way they wrote and enlightening me, well I am telling you now, just so you know, that it didn't. You don't all have to know who I am and what I like and what works for me, and how to help me, and how to SHOW ME WHAT YOU SEE SO CLEARLY. What happened in the past, is past, period.

You've stated your intentions, now I will state mine. I did not consider your feelings in any way, shape or form. The post you are referring to was a joke in response to another joke - not even directed at YOU, just laughing about something I found particularly funny. It was not intended to answer your question, address your need for clarity or an attempt to enlighten you. Furthermore, I did not have any inkling that you would take any of it so personally that it would cause this 5-day (so far) rant.


I started this thread with an intention that came from the contrast. The contrast from my perception, was ''people in abetalk are harsh/rude/disrespectful of my feelings'', I was infuriated, I didn't know how to express myself or stand up for myself, I am clarifying this as the days pass. My statement of desire is: ''people in this forum will not treat me as any person who walks down the street would''. This is what I meant with this tittle. I usually felt comfortable posting here, knowing that it's a different environment, that abetalkers are spiritual, understanding, supporting people, who get my selfishness, and they will remind me what is possible and what is not, they will remind me of who I am, and they might show me the way to the clarity I want.

Has it occurred to you Maris, that the reason you feel the need to stand up for yourself is that you CHOSE to throw yourself down to begin with?
Fine, this is getting boring, but the first 3/4 times I posted I was still very upset and didn't have the clarity I have now, I just felt like ranting.

Isn't it nice to be able to express yourself however you see fit?
Maybe you guys think I can handle a little sarcasm and I little black humor. Well I am telling you now, that I need help and I mean it. And when I post, the matter of my threads usually mean A LOT to me, because I am still looking for reason to live. I am not sure that I want to live, I am still looking for some sort of idea, that clicks in my mind, that makes me feel: yes, I want this! I will live for this! This is worth sticking around for.

If it gets you out of your vortex just to read how I keep looking and looking for something that I have already found, well, I'm sorry. It's uncomfortable for me most of all, just be glad that you have clarity and you know who you are and you want to live life so much more than I do. Just please show me how it feels for you, this clarity.



Some things we need to get clear on:

I don't believe you need help to find a reason to live. I don't believe you need a reason to live. I believe you need to find within yourself that which you seek from others. As it stands now, you will never be complete because what you are searching for is simply NOT there. I cannot give you clarity or enlightenment, nor do I intend to try.

It's not that I don't love or appreciate you Maris, because I do - very much, in fact. HOWEVER, I will not try to drag you kicking & screaming into a better feeling place.

This all smacks of a serious need for attention: from the original subject matter of the 1st thread, to you getting upset because we got off subject, to the starting of this 2nd thread, to the near-week-long temper tantrum that has ensued.


I am still gonna speak my mind anyway, if you mind...


You should absolutely speak your mind...as long as you're willing to allow others that same freedom.

[Chamber]

Some things we need to get clear on:

I don't believe you need help to find a reason to live. I don't believe you need a reason to live. I believe you need to find within yourself that which you seek from others. As it stands now, you will never be complete because what you are searching for is simply NOT there.



BLAMO!

...and fuck you if my message is too short.

[Mariposa]

Natty Ash, I would love to be like you! Your method sure works way better than mine, love you too! :love::hug:

Piñitu, you know I love you and kissing ur ass too XD

Cigi, I know u were just laughing at what you thought was funny.

Thank you Maris for clarifying the ground rules of how we are to address you. I will certainly keep that in mind going forward.That doesn't sound real, still mocking?

I did not have any inkling that you would take any of it so personally that it would cause this 5-day (so far) rant.It's not a five day rant, this sounds like your mocking again. Makes it boring for me to explain over and over again how I feel and think.

This all smacks of a serious need for attention: from the original subject matter of the 1st thread, to you getting upset because we got off subject, to the starting of this 2nd thread, to the near-week-long temper tantrum that has ensued.If you felt the way I feel, you would know it's not nice to hear someone saying you had a near-week-long temper tantrum, when I believe I have tried my best TODAY to make my point on what matters to me.

Nevertheless, I still appreciate your questions:

Has it occurred to you Maris, that the reason you feel the need to stand up for yourself is that you CHOSE to throw yourself down to begin with?I still don't know how or why I throw myself down this way. But I appreciate the way you show me this aspect of myself.

Isn't it nice to be able to express yourself however you see fit?Yes it is! But what's that condition you put there ''as long as''? I know we are all free, but is freedom the MOST important value? What about love? I didn't say YOU CAN'T do this or YOU MUST do that, I expressed my feelings.

I don't believe you need help to find a reason to live. I don't believe you need a reason to live. I believe you need to find within yourself that which you seek from others. As it stands now, you will never be complete because what you are searching for is simply NOT there. I cannot give you clarity or enlightenment, nor do I intend to try.

I will ponder on this... specially the underlined part... I appreciate your words Cigi... :heart:

THIS IS ANOTHER POST, NOT A DOUBLE-MERGED ANYTHING.

yes, here I go again, I have NOTHING better to do than this!!

Thank you Maris for clarifying the ground rules of how we are to address you. I will certainly keep that in mind going forward.What are you trying to say here? I think I am the queen of the world? You make fun of me because I think I am so important that I need a special treatment? And I have the guts to post about it for a 5 days? And it's wrong, isn't it?

Then say so!! Tell me what you truly think about it, why do you mock me Cigi?

What is this way of communication? :silent: If you don't agree with something I say or do, you can just express it to me. Correct me, but WHY MOCK ME?

If you think I'm doing something STUPID, you can just tell me straight forward, with respect ''Marina, this is not the way to go.''

This is what I was talking about, if we are a community, we can build it together, talk to each other and not communicate through sarcasm when there are healthier ways.

And this post was really useless.

I know what ur gonna say, I'm arrogant because I think the U has to love me when I dun love meself

[Chamber]

It's not that what you say is wrong...

It's that you're paying attention and responding to everyone elses words instead of paying attention to your own words and statements.

[cigi]

That doesn't sound real, still mocking?

...this sounds like your mocking again.

What are you trying to say here?

You make fun of me because ...

...why do you mock me Cigi?

I know what ur gonna say...


I wasn't mocking you.

[Mariposa]

cuz my own statements are driving me crazy already... :hilarious:

I wasn't mocking you.

I was afraid you would say that... cool then.

[River]

What are you trying to say here? I think I am the queen of the world?

But you are the queen of the world. And I am queen of my world. We are all royalty. Let's start over. I agree with that too.

Anyone willing to have more fun? Less quibbling over nothing? Like Now?
.:heart:shannon

[Bodhi]

Maris,

People will always have different reactions or responses to your being, because no one, except you, knows why exactly you're doing what you're doing.

Just remember you don't have to excuse yourself for who you are.

And the more you give a rip (let others' opinions Rest In Peace), the more you will show yourself how easy it is to come back into alignment.

One of my favourite words of wisdom, and very vivid too, are:

"Don't poke shit. The more you poke it, the more it stinks."

Just let it be.

These are my mother's words. I was told this so many times when I was little that I will remember it forever.

And if these words are vivid and stinky enough for you too, then they may help you in the future. ;)

[AttractionFactor]

Maris,

Don't poke shit. The more you poke it, the more it stinks."

Just let it be.

And if these words are vivid and stinky enough for you too, then they may help you in the future. ;)

:hilarious: Very wise, but very funny :facelol:.

[Mariposa]

:facelol: Thanks for the stinky wisdom Natty! :facelol:

So what can I poke? :facelol:

Sierra, I saw that jumping people photo on google weeks ago, wanted to use it and I didn't know where to put it, good timing! love it! Fits great on my thread!

I'm going to sing with choir now! bye all!

[Tai]

Mari, I love you. You are so much better than you think you are.

I know, sometimes people here, just as in real life, can sound mean, or condescending. As you know, I've sometimes had a problem with that too.
But I came to realize that first of all (as you already know) when I create something like that, it must be something in me that sees it that way (I know, yawn :facelol:) But what I mean is, at times someone says something that isn't mean to them, but I still feel it that way. Someone else reads the same sentence, and says 'Wow, what loving advice' while I just want to curl up and cry, because I felt attacked.

I remember one time, I was asking for advice, and Leah was telling me, in a very loving way, that I seek for other people's approval too much. And when I read her reply, I was feeling so vulnerable, I was feeling so stupid, so little, that a lot of old emotions were coming to me. Even though she wrote nothing to hurt me, she was very loving and supportive. And then I wrote back to her, telling her thanks, because I knew she didn't meant to hurt me, but she did anyway. And I gave thanks to her because it was bringing something up in my vibration, that obviously needed cleaning up. I am still thankful for her now, and even though sometimes feelings like this come to the surface, I can recognize it much better now.

I know what you mean about missing or wanting the feeling of a loving community, and feeling as if it isn't here right now. I feel that too a lot, and I sometimes miss the days when this forum felt like coming home, like a warm bath, where everybody knows you, and understands where you're going through, either good or bad, and where everyone just respects you and your opinions.
But you know what, I just try to see this as a lesson of not being too attached to the form of the feeling I want. For a long time I got my feeling of belonging somewhere on this place, with like-minded people. And now, I sometimes don't feel that. But it was always in me, that feeling. When I stop expecting it to come from this place, I can let go of the form, I can let go of the limitations it brings me to just put all my hope on one place, and just let go. It may come to me in very different ways. Maybe I see now that this feeling of belonging, this feeling of having like-minded people around me, can come from inside myself, and that can be a way to learn that I can have everything I want right now.

I try to understand that this all is just a way of showing myself that I am never dependent on others.

And about a reason for living, stop figuring it out with your mind. Just open your heart. That feeling alone is worth living for forever.

Love :heart:

[Tai]

Leah, that's what I mean. It's all about how this place, as everything else, reflects ourselves. What I feel doesn't have to feel the same way for you. For me, the feeling of this place changes a lot. I sometimes feel this is a very loving place, other times I feel less of that. But I know it has not much to do with the forum.

[cigi]

Third option is the way of Andrew Wilcox... or at least, to onlookers it seems like a way out. If our souls are immortal, of course it isn't.


Andrew wasn't looking for a permanent way out. His intention was to get on to his next existence.

[Joyseeking]

Andrew wasn't looking for a permanent way out. His intention was to get on to his next existence.

Or continuing his present one but with 0 resistance (meaning exactly that. Regardless if it might seen to some like death or not)

[cigi]

Or continuing his present one but with 0 resistance (meaning exactly that. Regardless if it might seen to some like death or not)

Will you explain that?

[Chamber]

YouTube- HQ | I'm So Ronery by Kim Jong - Team America

[Mariposa]

omg, you are talking about THAT PERSON in my thread? :shock: yuk! :facelol: yukky must be my vibration to attract that... well maybe I could stop blaming in all on my vibration, it's just contrast! (I think there was a discussion about weather we attract contrast or what)

Sanne, I adore you so much! I absolutely loved your post, you are right in everything you say. Yes it can hurt, but it's really not mean that way, and it's up to us to see the value of it or just curl up and cry! I love you girl, and your ever growing wisdom! And the sweet loving way you share it :love: Yes! I can still get what I want, the love that I want, and there's still so many people who understand me, I just gotta vibe them in! Being understood and supported emotionally feels so good, thank you so much! And also being shown aspects about myself that I am not aware of, is a blessing too! Just like any other contrasting experience. I love learning this, it happens everytime! :heart::heart::heart: oxoxox *hug hug* to you wise hottie! :p

Leah, loved your post too! Loved this expression: ego-pulverising realisation! I am distracted talking to Ashley and Rodeny on sykpe now but I remember I really enjoyed reading your post, thank you! I don't do suicide cuz I am so immortal by the way! XD

The Whole discussion about you know who... is beyond me.. :wave: :heart:

[Pina Colada]

you know who... is beyond me..Voldemort?:shock:

[Rodney]

Don't ever say his name around these halls!!!

[Mariposa]

we don't say his name Ashley! ssshhhhh we don't want him to hear us and come haunt us from wherever he is... :shock:

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/11_02/scaredDM1111_468x584.jpg

[Nightprincessa]

I love Andrew Wilcox! :heart:

The AW I knew/know was totally different from the one most of you knew/know (from your comments.) It is really ALL YOU. So what you "see" is what you get!

I learned a lot about me from him.

My unmovable perspective. :namaste:

[Mariposa]

Fine! Andrew Wilcox Andrew Wilcox Andrew Wilcox! There, I said his name, and I am still alive and well.

All I got from him in the very few times I read him or visited his website was upstream to ME.

I CAN choose to SAY ANDREW WILCOX and TALK about SUICIDE and whatever sick vibration he offered and stay well.

But I feel weller when I don't. And I used a lil humor too. You had to bake your Andrew Wilcox Love pie in my thread... if you love him so much why don't you tell me what it was that you appreciated about him so much instead of telling my it's all me... and your perspective is better and unmovable.

yuk, I'm sorry, I know it's all me me me Tika, you are right... just... yuk.

many of you guys keep blaming MY perception and MY perspective for every negative emotion I feel... well why don't you show me your beautiful perspective then? what do you want more? to share your beautiful view with others or to keep pointing out that my perception is negative and it's all me?

[Nightprincessa]

... if you love him so much why don't you tell me what it was that you appreciated about him so much instead of telling my it's all me... and your perspective is better and unmovable.


Maris, you obviously "see" what you want to see cuz I don't see anywhere in my post that I said my perspective is better.

And about what I love about Andrew Wilcox. It really has nothing to do with you, and if I had wanted to tell you I would have. I am saying I love him cuz I do love him and I am free to express it.

And my perspective is unmovable until I decide otherwise. I don't let others influence me unless it feels good and the truth to me.

I love you too! :heart:

[cigi]

Maris - what if Rodney had killed himself & we acted like you are acting about Andrew?

Fine! Andrew Wilcox Andrew Wilcox Andrew Wilcox! There, I said his name, and I am still alive and well.

All I got from him in the very few times I read him or visited his website was upstream to ME.

I CAN choose to SAY ANDREW WILCOX and TALK about SUICIDE and whatever sick vibration he offered and stay well.

[Bodhi]

It's time for some hokey pokey. No? Yes? A one, a to, a one, to, tree!

rofl

Oh god, I'm feeling so goooooOOOOOOOooood!

I love being a fluffy bunny and totally hijacking this thread. :p:p:p

I love wiggling my fluffy tail in front of your nose. Ooo, am I full of myself. Damn, it feels good!

I should do this more often. It's all about me anyway. :facelol:

[AttractionFactor]

... and that's what it's all about! Woo!

http://www.englishrules.com/photography/weddings/hokey-pokey.jpg

[cigi]

Andrew's gift to me was magic. He took all my doubts & turned them back on me. By having to prove myself to him, I had to understand what I was trying to prove.

I loved his sense of humor.
I loved his laugh.
I loved his voice.
I loved his stories.
I loved that we had an agreement that put our relationship in a difference space than any other.
I loved that I got the opportunity to know him.
I loved our fights.
I loved that I could hate him so thoroughly.
I loved that sometimes I would give in to him just to shut him up.
I loved that sometimes he would give in to me just to shut me up.
I loved that we both knew when the other was bullshitting.
I loved his Apology (http://abetalk.com/showthread.php?t=1808&highlight=apology+andrew+wilcox) & that he wrote it with me in mind.

I loved his energy - a heart-chakra centered, sustained vibrational-orgasm that was so good it kinda hurt.

And, I love LOVE the Toaster Method.

http://static.lulu.com/items/volume_64/6379000/6379180/1/preview/320_6379180.jpg?6379180-1236756609

I love that I know the Toaster is really a Milkjug.:love:

[Mariposa]

Cigi, I have acted this push-against way about Andrew since like forever, you can see this thread (http://abetalk.com/showthread.php?p=64614)of mine from August.

I am actually glad this happened now. I still feel Tika was sort of showing off that she felt love when I was all pushy-againsty about Andrew, and then you said, Tika, that it's got nothing to do with me. I think it really had to do with the contrast I offered, because I refused to say his name, I associated his name with a negative emotion and you felt you wanted to (perhaps) honour his memory and lift the vibe around the subject. You can say it has nothing to do with me, if it didn't then you wouldn't be talking about it in response to my posts. Anyway, I appreciate that, even though your choice was not to tell me why you loved him, the girls did, and this helped me a lot. It was about time I shifted my vibration on this topic. And Tika, Cigi, Bethie, Steve, Natty you all had something to offer that lead me to this new feeling I have now. Maybe, just as my perception is unncesesarely negative on so many many areas, my upstream perception of Andrew was also something I can still shift. He even looked really nice in that photo. I dunno if you checked that august thread (http://abetalk.com/showthread.php?p=64614) but when I googled his name on google images, I saw pictures of a person's face covered in blood and this had a really strong negative effect on my whole Andrew vibration. Glad I can forget about that photo which probably wasn't even him (did he ever have ong hair?) and I can focus on his humour, his stories, his voice, his apology, his clarity, and the fact that he was a friend of yours, I didn't know any of you guys had actually met him (or I forgot).

Rodney and Ashley who are my friends and know me, they played along with me, it was my ignore game, because I was afraid of this vibration. I appreciate the way they played along with me, and when Tika so didn't and she used Andrew's fullname, that was contrasting, and you know it well Tika. When other's were playing along with me (maybe it was a silly game but it was my approach to the topic) you came and ended the game. I am still glad that things happened they way the did and now I can finally stop thinking of Andrew as some evil energy, maybe like I dunno who said, it was a really strong energy, could've caused me to get beaten up by the stream (like when I saw this video of him repeating this sentence ''we are not responsible for your feelings'' or something like this, on his website) but it was because of my resistance and it was all me.

Tika, just like you said, it is all me. When I feel icky because you end my game, and when I appreciate that you did it because it allowed me to expand. It is still all me! :p

I am not sure I can understand this whole ''it's all me'' thing fully. On the one hand, I don't fully embrace it because it makes my responsability of my emotions absolutely ON me, and you gotta admit it felt kind of big to you too at first. And on the othe hand, if I am appreciating you, and the expansion my interaction with you has allowed, then isn't it still me? Then who are you? Like u don't exist? If I can't blame you for my negative emotions that I percieve you cause me to have, then techinically I shouldn't thank you for the positive emotions that I feel when we talk. :p

If I feel bad about something you say, it's my perception, you were just being u. If I feel GOOD and GREAT about something you say, it is again my perception, and you are just being you. Then if I can't blame you, I can't appreciate you either. I can only appreciate my own perception, and I am alone on this!

You guys get my point? I am just exploring this, I am not PROCLAMING this, I am just brainstorming and you are totally invited to come and mold this idea with me.

This whole responsibility of everything I feel and experience, make me feel alone. Like people don't exist for me, only I exist. And even sometimes when I somehow manage to step out of this ''who I am'' I see this girl who keeps beating the same victim drum and I feel I am so not her! Ew. I am telling you, this girl wants to kill, she wants to die, she curses life and the whole plan and design of it. She is sick.

And I am here with her, I'm stuck with her, I dunnno how to help her, how to allow my light to shine above her shadow. She takes over and she doesn't let me have any friends or social life or even a life anymore. She doesn't want to eat, we lost weight. She just wants to sleep.

I couldn't possibly read any more self-help books, non duality teachings... I give in.

[Pina Colada]

http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv157/PinaColada666/Emoticons/sign0019.gif

[Mariposa]

Of Course I like to love you all like I always do when I enjoy your posts! Whenever I feel I benefit from reading your words, I love appreciating, and loving you all! But isn't it fake? Like... I can only appreciate you when u appreciate me or uplift me? And when you talk like maybe Andrew did, or Chamber, I feel upset and feel no love?

I am glad you tell me this Sierra, that you hated this ''it's all me concept'', I kinda hate it too! Then again, I would be hating myself? :rolleyes: So it's IS lonely, if I am you, and you are me, and I am this computer, and I am Andrew and I am the sky, then this feeling that I am LOVED (that I seek so much to feel) as in, LOVED BY, is fake! Because there IS noone out there to LOVE me in the first place, right?

I AM love, only I can't feel it this instant.

And I am not loving any of you either, because I only feel it when u make me feel good... :confused:

aaaaaaahhhh this retarded thoughts... Jesus Christ, Joseph and Mary...

I SAID I give in because I didn't know what to write anymore... or what to think...

But I am not sure I have actually given up yet... seems right though...

thanks Leah and Sierra! :grouphug: thank you for this... thank you.

[cigi]

I think you're asking really important questions thru all of this, Maris. I also love that you're unwilling to swallow your contrast quietly.

I know Andrew drew a lot of negativity out of people - hell, he did for me as well. No one had/has the skill to piss me off like he did.:rolleyes: I miss that jerk.

I don't believe it's all me in the same sense that I've heard it described by many. I think that we came here encapsulated in these physical forms in order to experience that which is NOT ourselves. Our humanness demands separation, our immortality lies in the ONE.

You are not alone. We are all here interacting with you - as your mirrors, your antagonists, your friends.

I say don't give in. You are on the verge of the discovery you are seeking. Keep asking. Keep looking. It's what you're here to do.:love:

[Mariposa]

Cigi :hug::heart: Thank you, thank you.:heart:

Let's see then... I came to experience that which is not myself... And u are my mirror? SO all of this, that you are showing me about myself, is that which I am not? :o

YAY! :joylick: wHOOHOOO :drum:

:smart:

[sara]

It's time for some hokey pokey. No? Yes? A one, a to, a one, to, tree!

rofl

Oh god, I'm feeling so goooooOOOOOOOooood!

I love being a fluffy bunny and totally hijacking this thread. :p:p:p

I love wiggling my fluffy tail in front of your nose. Ooo, am I full of myself. Damn, it feels good!

I should do this more often. It's all about me anyway. :facelol:

Well I am fluffing in here too..
I even have the bunny costume ..hahahahahah :o :rolleyes: :shock: :facelol: :facelol: :facelol:
hoking poky..
As you know I LOVE to dance ! Hahahahah:joylick::joylick::joylick::joylick::joyl ick:

LOVE YOU NATASHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:heart::love::heart: MWAH!!! !!
..

... and that's what it's all about! Woo!

http://www.englishrules.com/photography/weddings/hokey-pokey.jpg
YES! STEVE!
MORE DANCING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes!
SAVE THE WORLD!
ONE DANCE AT A TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THAT IS MY PHILOSOPHY!!!!!!!:heart::facelol::facelol::facelol ::facelol::facelol::facelol::heart::joylick::joyli ck::joylick::joylick::heart:

[cigi]

Cigi :hug::heart: Thank you, thank you.:heart:

Let's see then... I came to experience that which is not myself... And u are my mirror? SO all of this, that you are showing me about myself, is that which I am not? :o



I am showing you yourself by asking you to question what you believe & what you perceive. I am not you, but I think we are leaves on the same tree.

When you think I am mocking you, I am your mirror. When you see yourself as mock-able, I show you that whether it is my intention or not.

When you see yourself as valuable, I'll show you that reflection regardless of my intentions.

That's how it all comes down to just you. Pretty cool, no?

[Nightprincessa]

I am actually glad this happened now. I still feel Tika was sort of showing off that she felt love when I was all pushy-againsty about Andrew, and then you said, Tika, that it's got nothing to do with me.

I just want to make it clear that I was not showing off when I stated that I love Andrew - I was inspired to do so. Saying that you love someone is not and will never be showing off, it is actually a very natural and beautiful state of being. And my feelings have nothing to do with you, that is why I said my loving him has nothing to do with you, beside, this is just one of the many times I have mentioned that I love Andrew Wilcox.

Anyway, I appreciate that, even though your choice was not to tell me why you loved him, the girls did, and this helped me a lot. It was about time I shifted my vibration on this topic.

I am not a rampager. You will hardly find rampages done by me on here... maybe a couple a very long time ago, and I did those cuz I was "trying" the process... but it really is not me. The reasons I love Andrew are personal (and yes, including all of those already mentioned,) and I'm sure by now most of you have realized that I am not one to write about my personal life, and the reason is just cuz that's the way I am... and I won't change that to satisfy others. I am always true to myself.

Having said what I felt like saying, I love you all! :namaste: :heart:

One more thing, I am glad you feel better about the subject of Andrew W. :p

[Flo]

I am listening to Stewart's radio show about What They Think Doesn't Matter....like all things Stewart, it is abe-mazing. What a high frequency.... his music, his words, his message. Fascinating....:D

http://www.stewartstjohnlight.com/category/source-frequency-radio-show/

[sara]

I am listening to Stewart's radio show about What They Think Doesn't Matter....like all things Stewart, it is abe-mazing. What a high frequency.... his music, his words, his message. Fascinating....:D

http://www.stewartstjohnlight.com/category/source-frequency-radio-show/

Does anyone know..do you have to pay to hear this??
I am on the site and I can not get it except to go to itunes ????
thanks Flo! :heart:

[Mariposa]

knowing that you ARE source-love helps you to feel your power, how amazing you are, how precious. and the reason you are feeling contrast in such a big way is directly proportionate to the amount of love you feel too. it's a pendulum swinging ~ you reach for love on one side, so you swing back into fear on the other.

OMG, Bethie, this struck me so bad, you hit the nail! The reason I felt so so so bad it's cuz I have such HUGE potential to feel good, aka, STREAM OF WELLBEING! :joylick:

Since last saturday I have been feeling greater and greater!! And when I am in a good mood, I GET VIOLENTLY HAPPY! :facelol: I DANCE AND SING AROUND THE HOUSE AND PLAY WITH MY FACE IN THE MIRROR! :clap:

And I just talked to a guy who knew me back when I was 14 or somthing, and he said: You seem to be still as coo coo as you used to be! :facelol: And he knew the joyful me! My stream is really wild! :smart::spin: :heart:

http://picasion.com/pic15/eec0454af74fe98c9664342ea77ae1ae.gif

[Pina Colada]

http://picasion.com/pic15/eec0454af74fe98c9664342ea77ae1ae.gif


http://i486.photobucket.com/albums/rr225/taffer92/attention_whore.jpg

[Mariposa]

hahahahhahahaha I know I know I know!!! It's retarded, ain't it? XD And what I LOVE MOST ABOUT THIS IS, that everything is THE SAME!!! XCEPT I FEEL GREAT!! :joylick:

Piña, yes! Whore, attention whore :p

I dunno how long it will LAST SKIBBY!! I DON'T CARE EITHER! XD

Sierra, that was perfect Spanish! jijijijijijiji ¡Qué divina, gracias! Por algo me puse mariposa, síiiiiii, volar coloridamente por los cielos y besar cada flor! siiiiiii... jajja (ya me fui a otro extremo ¿no? jajajjaa) ¡Practicá conmigo entonces! Tengo ganas de hacer un blog, no paro de escribir en abetalk, pero es el único lugar donde los tengo a ustedes, si hago algo aparte, van a tener que ir a mi sitio a leerme, acá es más fácil! :p Tengo ganas de escribir sobre lo que me pasó ayer, estuve en la casa de mi abuela, y me divertí mucho con mi prima, y mi perra (que se lastimó, creo que se autoiflajeló y la llevé a la veterinaria) pero estoy tan contenta... y no sé por qué! lalalalalla :p

:dance2::happyblob::hamsters::fireworks: :kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:

[Mariposa]

I liked this song Divine! Voy a pensar lo del blog... je... me da cosita todavía... besito! Piña ya me dio el nombre: El Diario de Una Mariposa... jiji... me encantó!