Inappropriate

[Mariposa]

Every time I talk to someone, I realize how much I hate myself.

Every time I interact with someone else, someone who I would like to know they love me, I feel I don't deserve it, it's not gonna happen.

Every time I relate to someone, I feel inappropriate.

I talk about myself, it's like looking at the mirror.

I don't like what I see!

Maybe this is the reason why I don't ever talk to people.

Because they are all freakin mirrors.

And I hate what they reflect.

I don't like who I am.

Sometimes I can think of good things about me.

But overall, I am a failure.

I have no future.

I have no life.

I can't help it.

I can't stop myself.

I can't love myself.

I am useless, and I will never amount to anything.

No matter how much I hear people who care about me say that I am the only one who can take responsibility for who I am, I don't feel like I can do this.

I feel like I need so much help.

I would like to have a person right next to me helping me study.

I would like to have constant incentive to be better.

But my parents, when they saw I wouldn't do something, they'd tell me to quit. They just didn't wanna deal with me, so they tell me to quit. And this is what I am. I am nothing. I do nothing. I don't even try.

I feel like I am 4 years old and I would like to have someone helping me study. I would like to pay for a teach to teach me music.

I can't do homework alone. I can't focus. There is always something more interesting (or even nothing) than studying.

But I need to study to become SOMETHING.

I am nothing right now.

I have SO MUCH POTENTIAL BLA BLA BLA.

Yes, I am brilliant, I can sing, I can study, I could be a therapist, I could be a teacher, I could be a great singer, I could have my own choir, blah blah blah.

Sometimes I feel like I could be a great teacher with kids.

But who's gonna want me to teach their kids anything?

I have to have some kind of degree.

Right now, all I can teach is English.

But even when I am with a student, I wanna play!

Everything is BORING!!!

If I had somebody right next to me who would play the piano, and teach me.


I feel like a LITTLE CHILD!

I would love to learn so many things.

And I know I am smart and I can learn, and love to.

I would love to learn even more English, so I could be a translator (but I quit).

I would love to go to some music institution where I learned to play piano and to read music, I want to know about the history of music and everything.

I would like to learn German and French.

And I would also like to be a teacher for kids. I figured I could be an ethics teacher, I would like to be in a place where I could help build a better society.

Kids today are already so enlightened, but they still need guidance. And not just any kind of guidance. They need people who will create a new consciousness in this world.

Please, GOD/UNIVERSE/SOUL/INNER BEING.

How can I start being a light in this world?

I feel so small.

I don't fit in this system.

So how can I create a space for myself here?

And make this world a brighter place?

I feel I could work with children.

But who could possibly help me?

Right now I have nothing to give a child.

I am so lost, how could I possibly guide anybody??

I just want to be there for them and let them know that whatever they hear is not necessarily truth.

I want to inspire others to listen to their guidance and wake up.

I want to guide.

Yet I feel so LOST!!!

Is it that I want to do that which I wish somebody had done for me?

omg, this has been so liberating

*sigh*

[Mariposa]

It's like I want to KEEEP NEW BEINGS from all of these beliefs.

I wish I could be like a filter between the new comers and this world.

I would like to take them by the hand and show them what this world could be and not what it is.

I think the human species has got the right to evolve to a higher state.

We should be free, and we can.

I would like to be a part of this process.

I would like to be an active member, but at the same time, I feel like I need somebody to help me.

Like a boarding school :p

When I am alone and free, I just do nothing.

I have absolutely no self discipline.

I am going absolutely nowhere.

And that makes me embarrassed.

Something has got to change.

[Rodney]

...I hate myself.
...I feel I don't deserve it.
...I feel inappropriate.
...it's like looking at the mirror, I don't like what I see!


Low self-esteem is a result of being outside of your vortex.

When you are inside the vortex, there is no doubt to your worthiness. You just gotta tell it like it really is. You gotta tell the story through the eyes of your inner being. Ask, inner being, what story are you telling?

It's a story about a god that incarnated into physical form so that it could benefit from the contrast. A story of limitation that would give birth to expansion and new life. A tale about remembering who I am in the confusion of the raw and ragged physical environment.

And you gotta stop telling those screwy stories where my worthiness is determined by others, where my worthiness is measured in sacrifice and hard-work. As long as you keep telling that story, you will always be trapped. As you look to others for a measure of your value, you will always be disappointed. Because that feeling of being revered by others, that comes from a place of connection. And no matter how much action you take, if it's coming from a place of disconnection, it will never provide you with the relief you're wanting.

The first concept of spirituality - trust your inner guide, and stop turning to others for guidance. You've done it before. You know how good it feels to be in alignment and to be following your bliss. You just gotta sooth yourself back into that place of knowing again.
But overall, I am a failure.
I have no future.
I have no life.
I can't help it.
I can't stop myself.
I can't love myself.
I am useless, and I will never amount to anything.


Judgment comes from a place of being outside the vortex. When you are inside the vortex, you know that no one judges you. There is only understanding and appreciation for you.

And that place, where those words are coming from, it feels absolutely horrible, doesn't it? Your inner being disagrees. And you know it on every level of your being, as you repeat those words, and you feel that cold rushing through your body. That's the feeling of distancing yourself more and more from the loving presence of source energy.

And as you distance yourself, source energy doesn't join you in those thoughts. Source energy stays focused on the love and appreciation that it feels for you.

And so, all you have to do is ask, "Inner being, how do you feel about me? What thoughts are you thinking about me? What story are you telling about me?" And the reply goes something like this...

I love you.
I appreciate your willingness to come forth into this leading-edge environment.
I want to express my deepest appreciation for the expansion that your presence in this physical environment is adding onto.
You know, I see you telling this story of unworthiness as you bump around your physical environment, and I understand how it could seem that way at times.
It's easy to become confused and lose track of who you are.
But, I am here for you.
I will always offer my guidance so that you can make your way back home.
There is much love, and appreciation, and understanding always here for you.

[Rodney]

You say that you feel useless.

Look at Hitler. What did he do - killed 6 million people, created a world war, took the emotion of hatred and amplified it to the maximum. And can you believe, in all of that, source energy felt nothing but appreciation and understanding for him?

And here you are feeling useless - don't worry, it will pass, it always does - but let's say that you compared yourself to Hitler. Is there a thought that you could reach for that would feel good in the moment?

For example, "at the very least..."

I like Jews. In fact, I like all peoples. Even more, I love life. I have this love for life, and experiencing the fullness of what it means to be alive. I love that feeling of being alive - the excitement in my thoughts, the anticipation of enjoying the experience, the sparkle in my eyes, the deep and fulfilling breath. I love when I can use an experience to allow this feeling of life to flow through me, and take me to a level of extacy that has me asking for more and more. And then, I love seeing that there is more and more, every time I ask. And so, at the very least, I like all people. Sometimes, I do feel blame and hate, but it's only about myself. And I know I can live with that, because at the very least, I always have the power to change myself, and the thoughts that I think about myself...

I haven't murdered 6 million people - at least, not in this lifetime. In fact, I haven't murdered any people! I think that is an accomplishment worth mentioning. Some people, they are sitting in prison today, and they can't use that thought as a reason to feel good... But I can. And in fact, not only have I not murdered anyone, but my presence in this environment has been life giving for soooo many. When I took physical form, my parents and my family, they were thrilled to see this bundle of life come into this world. Through my presence, I gave them purpose, and excitement, and I helped them strengthen their connection to their stream of well-being. And not only in my presence, but also in my words and actions, I have been an influence to soooo many people. I have lovers and appreciators all around the world, and in the non-physical as well. Boy, it sure feels good not being Hitler, it sure feels good to be a lover.

And, at the very least... if I do cause the next world war, I know that it's just a story. There's nothing serious going on here. And those who seek to judge, and blame, and hate, and fight, they are coming from a place of disconnection. I can't use them as an accurate measure of value. My value comes from being playful, alive, flowing this divine energy through my experience, being a lover. And when I'm in that state, I know that my success is already guaranteed. And all I ever have to do is bask in this beautiful moment.

So Marina, at the very least, you're not Hitler. Are you feeling absolutely dandy to be you yet?

[Mariposa]

lol


you


are



hilarious

[Mariposa]

No, seriously, thank you for your kinds words, hun. Yes, sure feels good not to be Hitler.

But then again, who doesn't feel better by thinking that way?

Even a person who killed one person, or 10, can feel better, cuz no, they didn't kill 6 million!

:joylick:


I dunno.


I was talking to sweet Mury, earlier.

And we reached this conclusion.

I prefer to bitch about who I am than to actually DO something to change.

Why? Cuz I am too scared to actually make a decision.

I can't change.

And this is the worst of feelings.

And by doing this, I feel almost as if it was relief for me!!

I neeed to suffer!! And hate myself A LITTLE BIT MORE!!

It's almost as if it felt good.

Oh yeah, being a victim.

I am so HORRIBLLEEEE and I can't stop being HORRIBLEEE.

I am so USELESSS AND I CAAANN'T STOPPPP BEING USELESSS..

There is NO PURPOSE FOR MY EXISTANCE!!!

ALL I CAN DO IS COMPLAIN!!!

I AM A COMPLAINING MACHINE!!!

AND I AM SO GOOD AT IT!!!

I AM KEY!!!

I AM SUCH A GOOD COMPLAINER THAT I EVEN COMPLAIN ABOUT COMPLAINING!!!

I AM SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK.

I DON'T LOVE LIFE, like you do 11:11.

I HATE LIFE!!!

I HATE BEING HERE!!!

I HATE THIS!!!

THIS FEELING OF BEING INAPPROPRIATE!!!


THIS FEELING OF NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH!!

I HATE IT!!!

I HATE THAT ALL OF THE REST OF THE DIVINE CREATIONS ARE SO MUCH BETTER and make me FEEEL BAD ABOUT EXISTING!!!

I am A COMPLAINING MACHINE AND I WILL NEVER EVER EVER STOP.

lol

BECAUSE LIFE IS WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG.

AND all I do is notice and say it.

And that's what makes me a complainer.

[Dance of Joy]

Hey, sweet one, how do you want to feel about yourself? :heart:

[Mariposa]

Christine :heart: I just want to stop thinking, and be whoever I am without judging.

Or...


I'd like to be PROUD of who I am.

I'd like to beat the drum of my HUGE EGO, saying something like...


wow I am SO WONDERFUL.

My smile is LUMINOUS.

My eyes are deep with clarity.

I am beautiful.

I am so AWARE of Life.

I am so helpful to others.

I am so connected with my purpose.

I am SOOOO GRATEFUL for everything that I have and am.

I looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooove

life.

That's how I'd like to feel, Christine.

:heart:

[Nightprincessa]

Maris, you know I love you! :heart:

But, I have to give you some tough love right here and NOW!

GET OVER IT!!!

Having said that, you can be whatever you want... and YES, even a complainer! :o :p

Proceed...

[asjairok]

this starts as a very good poem Maris ; I think you should copy it somewhere and save it! I only read your first post till lines become much longer, and that part for sure is great song, I'm, gonna see other things as well :heart:

[asjairok]

I want to tell you Maris- now when I read more lines, I promise you yo're gonna get there! I KNOW-DO YOU BELIEVE ME?I know !

[Rodney]

But then again, who doesn't feel better by thinking that way?

Even a person who killed one person, or 10, can feel better, cuz no, they didn't kill 6 million!

And what, because they killed one person, they don't deserve to feel good anymore? They are defiled and unworthy of existence? Source energy disagrees. Source appreciates and loves all. And the point of Hitler's existence is to demonstrate that exact point - "I'm so horrible, it must mean that your joy is guaranteed. Because no one will ever be as fucked up as me."

I AM SUCH A GOOD COMPLAINER THAT I EVEN COMPLAIN ABOUT COMPLAINING!!!

Actually, you're a pretty shitty complainer. Look at Key. He uses intellectual and stimulating thoughts to make a case for his limitation. But you, you just ... bla bla bla. It doesn't really go anywhere.

I think you would make a much better lover.

[asjairok]

Would you two kiss and make up already? :love:
OH my God Sierra, like you were reading my mind !:facelol:

[Rodney]

Maris, you know I love you! :heart:

But, I have to give you some tough love right here and NOW!

GET OVER IT!!!


As fantastic as your message is, you can't shout, blame, or frustrate someone back into their vortex. The only way we can ever be of assistance to another is to sooth them into their vortex.

[Nightprincessa]

I know what you're saying 11:11. But I also know that Maris is the only one who has the power to do that. If she doesn't want to do it no one else can do it for her cuz she has to allow you to influence her. It has to start by her desiring it, otherwise nothing you say will make any difference.

And ultimately she has the right to be whatever she desires to be, even a complainer. Whether she wants to remain there or not is totally up to her. :namaste:

Love :heart:

[Joyful]

Marina, there is nothing you have to do to brighten the world…the day you were born, this world became brighter, so thank you. :heart:

It is your presence that teaches, there is nothing necessarily that you have to do or say. The trees, outdoors, infuse me with so much power, wisdom, and peace simply by being what they are. The squirrels, scampering around, show me to frolic in joy. Babies, in their innocence, help me to remember the purity and freshness of heaven. Traditionally, none of these would be treasured as teachers with great wisdom, but they are.

It is when I am doing absolutely nothing that I am at my best. That is when I see the world so clearly. I have so many talents/abilities/knowledge that truly mean nothing, when I am wrapped in this inner stillness, where I am simply observing the beauty of this world. If someone were to ask me what I had to give to the world, I would say, “Nothing! I have nothing to give, because all has already been given.”

And so know that there is nothing you have to do, but enjoy this life. It is a delightful gift. Think of receiving the most beautiful gift…and magnify it billions of times, and you will know how precious it is/you are.

Love you,

:hug:

Mary

[Tai]

Maris, you already are a light for others. The other day, when I was feeling so fucked up (you know when) talking to you on Skype made me feel 100 times better. I really felt better by listening to your guidance.
You are one of my favorite girls here on the forum. You are such a beauty, and you are unbelievably smart. You see things the way they are, and you have a great ability to describe them. You are loving to others, now it's time to be that loving to yourself.
You can be what you want. Maybe you want so much that you feel overwhelmed, and not sure where to begin.
There are so many little steps you can take. Go to a school nearby, where they teach little children, and ask if you can come along with the teacher for a day or two. Just to see if you like it. I know for sure it all comes natural for you, working with them.
Ask around, in your choir, if someone plays the piano and wants to teach you some things.

You are a lovely being Maris, don't lower yourself by saying such bad things about your perfect self. It is so not who you are. You are a treasure.

Love you

[Mariposa]

Marina, there is nothing you have to do to brighten the world…the day you were born, this world became brighter, so thank you. :heart:

This almost made me cry Joyful :love: Your post was amazing.

Tai :love: Thank you so much.............................................. ..

Ana, Sierra, Tika and 11:11, I love you guys, thanks so much!

I love all of you guys and I appreciate you so much for being with me today.

Tika, you always make anything feel appropriate again.

Thank you all again...

[Mariposa]

maybe I am far better than I think I am

:p

how about that?

[Nightprincessa]

You're totally right, Maris. You are better than you THINK you are... because YOU are not your thoughts!

YOU ARE PERFECT! Now, repeat after me, I AM PERFECT because I am GOD! :heart:

How's that!? :p

[ShelleP]

maybe I am far better than I think I am

:p

how about that?

That's a great start - sooooooooothe yourself there - no need to leap in one bound...how about a few "wouldn't it be nice statements? I added red to what you want to believe...


I'd like to beat the drum of my HUGE EGO, saying something like...


Wouldn't it be nice to feel - wow I am SO WONDERFUL.

Wouldn't it be nice to believe - My smile is LUMINOUS.

Isn't it nice to know -My eyes are deep with clarity.

Wouldn't it be nice to know - I am beautiful.

Wouldn't it be nice to feel - I am so AWARE of Life.

Wouldn't it be nice to believe - I am so helpful to others.

Wouldn't it be nice to believe -I am so connected with my purpose.

Wouldn't it be nice to feel - I am SOOOO GRATEFUL for everything that I have and am.

Wouldn't it be great to feel - I looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooove

life.

That's how I'd like to feel, Christine.

:heart: Today 1:33pm
Today I'm willing to feel differently...
Mwah! :heart:

[Dance of Joy]

wow I am SO WONDERFUL.

My smile is LUMINOUS.

My eyes are deep with clarity.

I am beautiful.

I am so AWARE of Life.

I am so helpful to others.

I am so connected with my purpose.

I am SOOOO GRATEFUL for everything that I have and am.

I looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooove

life.

:heart:

GORGEOUS! ALL OF THIS and YOU.

Repeat this before a mirror every day for a week and see how you feel then.

You are wonderful, Marina. (You just forgot for a time.) :heart::heart:

[Mariposa]

Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah :heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:: heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::h eart:

¡¡¡¡¡Thank youu!!!!!


Christine!! :love: You know, the last time I did it it actually DID work. I wrote this paragraph about myself, maybe I can still find it. I was reading this Brazilian Law of attraction priest back in 2005!! Actually, my parents have read him since I was little! Can't believe I still haven't applied this in my life, whatever. Anyway, before the divorce, my parents, my brother and I went to this sort of seminar, because he came to my city, and I got his book, one of his many books, and I decided to write this paragraph about myself, and fucking READ IT 3 TIMES A DAY. Cuz sometimes ya gotta jusT practice and practice and practice!! yES, just like Izzy told me to!! And it did make me feel so much better back then. But clearly, it takes perseverance. WHICH IS one of the reasons I sometimes hate myself, cuz I have no perseverance, but FUCK IT!!! I gotta pull up my pants, straighen up and fly right! lol No one else can do it BUT ME!!

FUCK NO!! ONLY I CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!

SO yeah, I should pick any set of good feeling words and fucking repeat them until they are reality.

Thanks Christine, for this, for reminding me, YET again, lol.

ShelleP, thank you too, yes I am willing to feel different today.. :drum:

Tika!!! :cheers: Damn right again!! I am not who I think I am, cuz I am not MY THOUGHTS!!! :joylick::joylick::joylick::joylick: THAT'S EXACTLY IT!!! :shock: wow :rainman: so much love to you, latin babe like me! :love:

you guys rooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooock

and loving you guys FEELS DAMN GOOOD TOO!! :joylick:

[Pina Colada]

How to be a good example?
Easy.
Just be yourself and let the life,the Universe,God or whatever give you everything you wish for...It just can't be more inspiring than that...Just look at Sierra...

[Flo]

Dear Leah,

OMG! No finer prose was ever written....really. There is a depth and authenticity and experience that you express that is priceless. :namaste:...and worth millions. I believe. :love:

Flo

[Flo]

Leah,

I love you too...and I'm serious. :joylick:

Maybe it's the love for Maris that I feel underneath your words....I dunno, it's just so good.

Flo

[asjairok]

Leah,

I love you too...and I'm serious. :joylick:

Maybe it's the love for Maris that I feel underneath your words....I dunno, it's just so good.

Flo
I loved that article, too Leah
Leah you're so special unique girl :grin: