What am I vibing to attract 'informal' workload ? [Archive]

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fresh beginnings

Mon Aug 24 2009, 4:57am

Hi everyone:

This is just an 'academic question' and not necessarily a complaint.

I have had 4 jobs in the last 4 years. A typical pattern has developed where I join for one particular position/role (my formal workload).... and then everyone in the organization starts coming to me and requesting "favours" which then start to constitute "informal workload".

Please note that I have only worked in family owned businesses in my country, which regardless of how professionalized they think they are, still function in the sense of mom and pop stores.

Then what happens is that I finally get outright overloaded with both formal and informal workload and then get provoked and ill-tempered because I am burning the candle at both ends. Then i end up getting fired.

Anyway, i can identify what has happened in all jobs. Different vibrations but same end-result.

Initially, I used to have no self-definition and was like an amoeba with low self-esteem, so I didn't know how to say no. That is why I attracted "informal" workload.

Then, in my next job, I had relatively higher self-esteem but was still a people-pleaser and didnt want to see anyone unhappy. So once again, I know what I was vibing.

In my next two jobs, I joined at a lower level than I would have liked to and they kept dangling a carrot in front of me (a different position/promotion), so though I had stopped giving a rip about the people, I did give a rip about the potential prospect, so I did stuff for different people.

Same story: Got overloaded, mentally provoked, outburst, and then fired.

This time, I joined in a nationally ranked university (one would assume that this would be a streamlined professionally run organization) .... for a temporary six month contract .... and my father and I agreed that anything that came after six months would have to come as a result of FORMAL WORK LOAD ONLY..... and that there would be absolutely no people-pleasing this time and no hankering after any dangling carrot of extension of contract or a new project etc etc.

So, I stepped into this position with

A. No people pleasing vibration

B. No low self-esteem ( actually my self-esteem is pretty high) and

C. More importantly, a vibration of HAPPY WHERE I AM .... and not even eager for more. I am really okay with my six month contract being it...with no scope of extension later on.

But I have only completed 5 weeks in the position, and already there have been four requests from seniors in other departments for informal workload/favours..... which I turned down with no hesitation because I am not running after a dangling carrot....and said I was busy with my formal workload.

But the point is I find it unpleasant to say NO verbally and don't even want to get to that point in a conversation.

I want to handle this vibrationally.

What am I vibing now that is creating this situation ?

I am very reserved here, have not even introduced myself to half the people here, because I just didn't want to generate unnecessary conversation. I had made up my mind that I would be offering the vibration of dignity and self-conservation when I came to this place. So it is not extra conversation that is creating this issue.

Once and for all, i want to clean up this situation vibrationally.

Thanks for any insights.

LOALola

Mon Aug 24 2009, 5:15am

FB,

Office dynamics aren't my thing, but I'd say that you are trying to please them and not be yourself be having to develop an office persona. You're still vibing don't give me extra crap because it's going to eventually piss me off, since that's your motivation for the reserved, low-key persona of dignity and everything you think will keep them at bay.

You said ... "I am very reserved here, have not even introduced myself to half the people here, because I just didn't want to generate unnecessary conversation. I had made up my mind that I would be offering the vibration of dignity and self-conservation when I came to this place. So it is not extra conversation that is creating this issue." ....So you're thinking about how to keep that crap away from you.

Quit thinking about the past RIGHT NOW. Abe says the past is past. It's too hard to forgive asses of the past, so you have to FORGET them, he says. When you do, you'll love everything about your past - because it brought you to the higher spiritual level where you are today. PROMISE, IT WORKS, no matter how much crap you have to forget!

You're carrying the past into this job.

Get happy where you are now in this job and forget every other job that you didn't like. Be yourself, but low-key yourself always is good in an office. Look them straight in the eye when they come to ask a favor and give off those great vibes we know you have here and I'll bet they infringe on your territory a lot less often. Look people in the eye at work; don't be demure in that sense! Just be you and forget all those worries! The past is past.

And, as far as that temper goes, tell yourself you have a new rule - you never will get angry until you sleep on it. Then, when you go home, use the Emotional Guidance Scale and work yourself up to a higher level of emotion about the situation until you get it to somewhere you can live with the next day. Then do the EGS for a few more days so you're sure you've permanently made that issue go away. (Do that in advance for the extra work that's already pissing you off. Just tell yourself, when it's done, there won't be any more extra favors work because you're going fix this by forgetting the past.) Also, if someone at your rank or below already has loaded you up with favor work, be sure to ask them to do you a favor of equal time/skill value. That should help as well!

Be you and be proud of the magnificent spiritual soul you are!

Love,

:heart:

LOA Lola

fresh beginnings

Mon Aug 24 2009, 5:19am

don't give me extra crap because it's going to eventually piss me off,

Ha ha!!! Oh my! Lola you are so right!! This is exactly the name of the vibration I am carrying. I see what is in my system right now. You have nailed it.

fresh beginnings

Mon Aug 24 2009, 5:24am

I have said No to all four people. But that wasn't my question. I want to know what I am vibing to attract this to begin with.

The unpleasantness I want to avoid is not the saying of the "No", but saying no takes on "new meaning" (not being a team player, not contributing to institution building) etc. etc.

So, I just want to be in a vibration that doesn't even attract the situation.

fresh beginnings

Mon Aug 24 2009, 5:25am

How about that??? I just realized that I said No to all four people.

I CAN SAY NO NOW!!!! :joylick::joylick::joylick::joylick::joylick::joyl ick::joylick::joylick:

LOALola

Mon Aug 24 2009, 5:33am

FB,

I realize in an office environment, it's not easy to "just say NO" because they'll think you're a bitch and not a team player. (I tied that into Nancy Reagan's advice on the matter as best I could). :grin:

11:33 is a man. I'm sorry, but women still get the work piled on them in offices and there's more crap women get for saying no. So, 11:33 you're absolutely right on that, but it's easier said than done.

So that's the Catch 22 FB, so you do have to fix this vibe very soon. Start forgetting the past and reading Abe's quotes on that on AbeQuotes.com. It's easy to register and search his quotes there. Feel good about yourself every morning when you arrive at work and try to stay that way. Before you go to bed the night before, think of wonderful things about the next day so you wake up happy! Then think happy thoughts as you get ready for work!

When you're saying, NO, since you've said it 4 times and you're counting, do explained why you can't, that you have more than enough to do as it is with the time alloted. That way, people will understand that you are a team player and are dedicated to getting your job done.

It will be fine, just start working on forgetting the past and being your wonderful self!

:heart:

LOA Lola

LOALola

Mon Aug 24 2009, 5:42am

Originally Posted by fresh beginnings
"I have said No to all four people. But that wasn't my question. I want to know what I am vibing to attract this to begin with."

Fresh Beginnings,

I totally answered what you are vibing to attract this to begin with, then 11:33 and I gave you more details. When you FORGET the past and see it as good and get happy about your work, you won't have the favors issue or the no issue that's part of it!

All you have to do now is start working on it! REALLY!

Love,
LOA Lola

fresh beginnings

Mon Aug 24 2009, 5:43am

Well 11:33, I didn't ask them for favours because I always saw myself as "exploited/victim" etc etc. for a long time. So it was the victim vibe that was playing itself out.

It is only on Feb 27th, 2009 on the abe forum that I realized that *I* was the one in control -- and that all the people around me were part of my

stand-up team to help *me* get to where I wanted to go.

I realized that I was not the pawn in their chess game.... but that they were all pawns in my chess game.

I realized that I was not an actor in their play.... but that I was the director and they were actors in my play.

This is the first job that I have to practice my new-found understanding of this concept. Until now, I haven't had that chance because I didn't have that frame of mind.

Right now, I am empowered. But the four people who asked me to do stuff were really useless in my scheme of things. I don't see them doing me any favours (for now) :facelol::facelol:.

And in any case, now that I know of LOA and am a deliberate creator (90% of the time anyway.... except the other 10% when I talk about my lack and my debt :confused:) .... I don't need anyone to do me "favours" or to generate any obligations for myself .... I just ask the universe to deliver.

I got this job on my own merit, though several friends and relatives offered to set me up as a "favour", and I want this vibe (of the universe being the only one to do me "favours" to be the foundation stone for the rest of my career).

fresh beginnings

Mon Aug 24 2009, 5:44am

I hear you Lola .... LOUD AND CLEAR.

FORGET THE PAST AND ENJOY THE NOW.

fresh beginnings

Mon Aug 24 2009, 5:48am

MY NEW MANTRA:

I LOVE MY FORMAL WORK-LOAD AND I LOVE HOW ENGAGED AND OCCUPIED I AM IN MY WORK. MY FORMAL WORK-LOAD IS A BLESSING IN MY LIFE.

Then I let Law of attraction do the work from this focal point of attraction and bring in more formal work-load that I am engaged in and enjoy and am FULLY OCCUPIED WITH.

That's how it works really.

Not my original vibration of

"Please stay as far away from me as you can, and dont give me crap because it will eventually piss me off"

:facelol::facelol::facelol::facelol::facelol::face lol::facelol:

BECAUSE BY SHOUTING NO AT IT, I AM ATTRACTING MORE OF IT.

Gina

Mon Aug 24 2009, 6:58am

Tai

Mon Aug 24 2009, 6:32pm

Hi FB!
I am happy you found already more clarity on this subject.
I want to add something, because I kind of recognize myself in parts of your story.
(Alex, maybe this is what you meant as well, sorry then that I am repeating your words :grin:)
I am the kind of person that tries to see a lesson in every situation. Mostly because situations, or their essence, seem to repeat themselves, until the point I get why, and change something in my vibration (this is my experience, I know there are a lot of people that don't need this way, and just get happy with appreciation etc.)
Anyway, when Alex said that maybe you still don't know how to say no, that made me remember something.
Because I learned to say no as well, just like you said, but STILL I attract situations that make me actually have to say no. You know what I mean?
I was like, I don't LIKE saying no, and even though I learned to do it now, doesn't mean I still want to attract people asking everything, so that I have to turn them down. But then I realized, after talking about it, that even though I said no, my vibration wasn't strong then. I still felt guilty doing it, or I doubted for a minute. I even went so far that I would say no to someone, then they'd leave, and I would 'defend' myself and my saying no in my head for very long times, just because I couldn't make peace with it completely. Yes, it felt good that I didn't have to do it, but the saying no part was still hard for me.
So, maybe that's the case for you as well?
Love to you :heart:

fresh beginnings

Mon Aug 24 2009, 7:58pm

Hi Tai,

No. I don't think that's the case with me, in terms of defending the no.

I think what is the case is that i have gone to the other end of the spectrum.

Both before and after I say no, it is a really combative vibration.

Before I say no, it is "stay away from me and don't give me any informal workload"

(which is what attracts it, I am convinced now after what LOAlola said, I invite it by shouting no at it")

Then it comes into my life. Then I say no, but I don't feel guilty.

After I say no, I become really combative inside "The nerve of that person, asking me to do informal person, he has simply taken me for granted" ....

and that just keeps it active in my system.

So, anyways, my new mantra is to focus on how much I enjoy my work (which I really do -- and after a long time -- I have finally found something I enjoy and am good at and feel accomplished in).

And just to have the universe respond to that vibration and bring me more formal workload I enjoy.

fresh beginnings

Mon Aug 24 2009, 8:06pm

Yes, I am getting there very slowly. I wonder what the missing link is.

I have analyzed this in great detail and taken out all the factors

1. Low self-esteem (in Job 1)

2. People pleasing tendencies (in Job 2)

3. Fear of saying no because of losing out on the job itself, the current contract, the non-extension of the contract or any promotion prospects (in jobs 3 and 4). I don't mind losing the job for saying no, and dont mind non-extension of the contract etc.

So what else could it be that makes me offer less than a pure vibration I wonder?

Anyways, it doesnt matter. It will come to me.

fresh beginnings

Mon Aug 24 2009, 11:36pm

Ooh!!! That's interesting! Damn you're good 11:33.

Yes. It is only recently that I have gotten around to even knowing what I want let alone asking for what I want. I've spent all my life being batted around like a badminton shuttle.

No more.

You know six months ago, Remingtonii started a thread on saying no vs. saying yes.

In that thread I asked how one can say no without resistance, and got the insight from Katerina_Greece that

"SAYING NO TO YOU IS SAYING YES TO WHAT I WANT"

Once again, I just need to focus on what I want (only formal workload).... and not focus on saying no to them. I have to just say yes to me.

:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::c lap::clap:

fresh beginnings

Mon Aug 24 2009, 11:42pm

:o Say no 100 times this week without giving a reason ? :o

:shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock:: shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::s hock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::sh ock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock:

LOALola

Tue Aug 25 2009, 12:01am

Fresh Beginnings,

I'd help again, but I'm not doing any extra favors today!

:hilarious::hilarious::hilarious::hilarious::

I've been gone a whole day and you all are still going on this extra favors conversation! And I see the patient symphonic rat 11:33 is still trying to teach you to just say "no"! Does it feel funny to have a rat chasing you around to teach you to say "no"? Now, you'll have to say "No," either to the people at work, or to the rat. NOW THAT IS A LESSON!

rofl:clap:rofl:clap:rofl:clap::cheers:

Yes, there is a time warp here, to answer the question in another thread! Will this still be happening tomorrow night? :facelol::facelol::facelol:

Happy Monday night!

Love you guys!

:heart::heart::heart:

LOA Lola

fresh beginnings

Tue Aug 25 2009, 12:04am

Fresh Beginnings,

I'd help again, but I'm not doing any extra favors today!

roflroflroflroflroflroflroflroflroflrofl

Lola, that is so funny! Good sense of humour.

11:33 is not a rat though. He's sweet. :heart:

He's trying to tell me something. I think I finally heard it.

LOALola

Tue Aug 25 2009, 12:07am

Fresh Beginnings,

I think you've gone through spiritual growth by fire since yesterday! :facelol: That's often the best way - fast and sure!

Does this sound like how you felt ages ago, not just yesterday:
Don't give me extra crap because it's going to eventually piss me off!

I bet you're hardly vibing that at all any more, except in a humorous way!

Good for you for sticking with it!

:heart:

Lola

P.S. That was a compliment to 11:33. He often is a great teacher. He is persistent only when people want persistence to grow, AS I CAN ATTEST THAT YOU DO! I always call him the symphonic rat because he carries a French horn. It's his little love name.

LOALola

Tue Aug 25 2009, 12:13am

Fresh Beginnings,

I thought I'd better put my P.S. to your question about 11:33 here so it's not lost in the shuffle.

That was a compliment to 11:33. He is my friend. He often is a great teacher. He is persistent only when people need persistence to grow, AS I CAN ATTEST THAT YOU DO! :facelol:
I always call him the symphonic rat because he carries a French horn. It's his little love name. :heart::love:

LOA Lola

fresh beginnings

Tue Aug 25 2009, 12:18am

I must be vibing something right though even if I struggle with the 'no' vibration.

I've attracted a musical rat and a lovely lady who tells nice sheep and goat jokes.

:facelol::facelol::facelol::facelol::facelol::face lol::facelol::facelol::facelol::facelol::facelol:: facelol::facelol::facelol::facelol::facelol::facel ol::facelol::facelol::facelol::facelol::facelol::f acelol::facelol::facelol::facelol::facelol::facelo l::facelol::facelol:

Life doesn't get any better than this! :joylick::joylick::joylick:

And IT'S MY DAMN LIFE!!!

LOALola

Tue Aug 25 2009, 12:22am

FB,

Keep your expectations this low every day, dearie, and the symphonic rat and I can take you to ecstasy every night!

roflroflroflroflroflroflrofl

:hilarious::hilarious::hilarious::hilarious::

:heart:

LOA Lola

LOALola

Tue Aug 25 2009, 12:31am

Fresh Beginnings,

People who were not logged in last night couldn't see the marquee with our hilarious, witty, incredible sheep, goat and ram jokes. Many, sadly, now are no longer on the marquee since it only holds so many notes.

But, HAPPILY, I just rescued some of our brilliant repartee!

WARNING, IT'S FROM THE MARQUEE, SO YOU HAVE TO READ FROM THE BOTTOM UP! (I moved a few that landed out of order so they make better sense!)

11:16pm LOALola
Excellent. :facelol:

11:11pm fresh beginnings
I dont know what is sheep dip. Is it made with goat cheese as a base?

11:08pm LOALola
Aha! That was a test, to which I don't know the answer. But you clearly are not a real bovidaer or you'd know! :cool:

11:07pm LOALola
What is sheep dip? I've always wondered. :confused:

11:14pm LOALola
Sheep who haven't manifested their partners. :facelol:

11:14pm LOALola
Where does virgin wool come from?

11:11pm LOALola
I am ewe! :shock:

11:11pm LOALola
What did the Aber say to the person he manifested?

11:06pm LOALola
My real friends aren't as funny as people at AbeTalk. I think I'll goat get me more friends like ewe.

11:06pm fresh beginnings
Those who don't log in are just not a vibrational match to intelligent humor. There is no sadness or injustice in the universe.

11:04pm LOALola
Sadly, those people who don't log in can't see your bovidae bemusements!

LOALola

Tue Aug 25 2009, 12:43am

Nah. Just freakin say no, and quit being a slave to others' desires. Why oh why would saying no cause resistance?

I think you should just practice. Just say no 100 times this week. And give no reason why. You don;t need a reason why; it's your damn life.

Fresh Beginnings and 11:33,

I didn't mean to break up FB's "No" therapy. I think what 11:33 said is very wise. :ugh: (But maybe not all of those 100 no's at work. That's a risky place for an exercise such as this. Also, at work, give a reason I think, as we already discussed.)

You may resume saying your new "NO" mantra. We expect to hear it across the universe, without the aid of cyberspace! :p

Lola

fresh beginnings

Tue Aug 25 2009, 12:51am

LOALola

Tue Aug 25 2009, 12:59am

You may resume saying your new "NO" mantra. We expect to hear it across the universe, without the aid of cyberspace! :p

Lola
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

My new mantra is not "No".

It is "IT'S MY DAMN LIFE AND I AM SAYING YES TO WHO I AM AND WHAT I WANT"

Fresh Beginnings,

Sorry. I wasn't using my brain. Of course, NO isn't a mantra. :shock: I was just letting myself off easy to make a joke!

But, I told you, I'm not doing any extra favors tonight! :hilarious:

Here's my new mantra: "IT'S MY DAMN LIFE AND I AM SAYING YES TO anyone who gives me I WANT"

Hmmmmm. That has lots of possibilities. :rolleyes: Maybe my phone will start ringing! :love:

:cool:

Your mantra is a GREAT mantra - and one of power and love and expansion and career and money!

:heart:

LOA Lola

fresh beginnings

Tue Aug 25 2009, 1:03am

You see -- I just realized. This thread wasn't about informal workload. It was about something MUCH MUCH bigger. It was about an overall vibration permeating my system. It's more about a definition of self.

LOALola

Tue Aug 25 2009, 1:23am

FB,

Hooray for you! What a fantastic feeling that must be! :joylick::joylick::joylick:

All the great breakthroughs are like that, for me, too. You think you're analyzing some troublesome thing outside of your life. Yet, by doing so, you discover and expand beyond something major within you that created the entire illusion of an outside problem in the first place! XD

You learned this very, very fast. You were ready. That long work block is gone. As far as the pain it causes and the asses who caused it, FORGET IT, Abe says, of course. Then, when you see your past as good, you're being happy in the now and ready to move on! :o:o:o

WHAT A HUGE MOMENT FOR YOU! :rocket:

Way to go, FB!

:fireworks::fireworks::hamsters::fireworks::

(I put in some jumping white rats since 11:33 helped so much, too!)

Love,

LOA Lola