*$&#^@)8@#!

[Gina]

So...
Y'all remember my long woeful tale of my life, right?
And the bottom line was basically that I am in this "relationship" with this person I have no desire to be with because he is taking care of me and my kids. The relationship itself is not good or satisfying for either of us, but there seems to be this unwritten agreement between us that for now, this is how things are. We are both getting something out of the arrangement.

So anyway, I have been working for the past 2 years, the whole time I have lived with him, on helping myself change my thinking from "poor me, my life sucks and I have to struggle," to "I deserve everything I have dreamed of and have the power to make it real."
It's been slow going but I felt like I was finally making progress.
The other night I literally wept with appreciation for everything, and felt at last like everything makes sense and is happening just as it ought to.

So my son is starting preschool right now and at first I was feeling kind of melancholy about it, about releasing him to the world, about moving into this totally new stage of life.
Then I started to feel pretty good about it. I have some goals which I want to meet to help me get to where I want to be, and having this free time while my kids are in school will help me toward them.
I was starting to get used to the idea of taking care of myself all day, which I have never done before and which sounds pretty damn good to me!

So I posted a facebook status which said basically that, all the things I am looking forward to doing now that I will have my days to myself.

...and then, one of my FB friends, someone from high school I was never particularly close to but who's shown a lot of interest in and kindness toward me on FB, came along and commented under my "rage of appreciation" status, "Don't you fucking work?"

So. Um. Yeah.
Millions of thoughts flood my head, first I am mentally justifying not working - I've worked like a dog my whole life! I deserve this!
Then I try to think of a humourous response, to just let it roll of my back.
That doesn't work.
I sit there staring at it and it is just making me feel like shit. All of these old thoughts that I have been telling to fuck off for the past couple of years start raging back:
"You have to work."
"You are not allowed to take care of yourself."
"Your S.O. is going to demand that you get a job."
"You don't deserve a life of ease, even for a little while."
"Life has to be a struggle."
...stuff like that. Stuff I hate. Stuff I have been telling myself is not true.

So I deleted the comment.
And then I felt lame, like a pathetic censor.
Then a few minutes later I just went ahead and broke my FB friendship with him, and frankly, I feel fine about that.

The problem is, all these thoughts I have worked so hard to change, well, I feel like they're a monster I had tied up in the corner and now it's broken free. I can't stop thinking them, and every 17 motherfucking seconds that pass I am like "OMG! NO! This isn't what I want to create! Nooooooo!"
I feel like I have already created it, like it's a done deal.

What do I do now? I want my peaceful, hopeful thoughts back. I mean, I am sitting here crying right now.
Shit.

[Gina]

Thank you so much for that, Skibby. I had to laugh, because, yeah, basically that was a really long-winded way of saying I let something pull me out of my vortex.
And thinking of it like that helps. Like Esther always says, "I'm not coming out of my vortex for you."
Maybe it really is that simple, right? I just have to hop back in.
And maybe, yes, I can really love all my thoughts. And maybe I can even cherish the negative ones.

Thanks again. That was really, really helpful to me.
I don't feel great, yet. I don't feel back in the vortex.
I do feel better, though. Baby steps back up the scale...

[Rainbowaterfall]

Hey Gina~ I am so glad you are creating what you want on your FB account! I totally un-created mine and it felt great - very empowering! (I am not suggesting that for you.) You have always been thoughtful and reached out to me. Maybe you momentarily forgot how much you are loved, how you can't get it wrong, and you never get it finished!!! :kiss:

[Gina]

Hey Gina~ I am so glad you are creating what you want on your FB account! I totally un-created mine and it felt great - very empowering! (I am not suggesting that for you.) You have always been thoughtful and reached out to me. Maybe you momentarily forgot how much you are loved, how you can't get it wrong, and you never get it finished!!! :kiss:



Thank you soooooo much! :hug::kiss5::heart::heart::heart::kiss4: :kiss1: :kiss2: :kiss3:

[Playful]

So...

The other night I literally wept with appreciation for everything, and felt at last like everything makes sense and is happening just as it ought to.



Sweetie, I have several things to comment on.

1) Did you notice at beginning of your post, you had allowed yourself to feel better?
When you heard the peanut gallery (as Abe says) share his opinion, it got in your pie.

2) Is it bad, that someone else's beliefs got in your pie?
Hell no. It is just contrast. The rollercoaster of emotions you feel, will eventually lead you to a better, more clear lifestyle. It felt like a bully screamed at you, and you are disappointed in yourself, that you allowed the bully to hurt you. It is ok, that it upset you.

3) Parenting is so full time, full time, full time. One research says parenting one child is like having 2 full time and 1 part time jobs. It is 24 / 7. No vacation time, no sick leave. Hands on 24/ 7
Of course 'me' time is appealing. Who would not want 'me' time? Many people have not parented full time, so they can not begin to understand it.

4) Job...what is a job? why do people think we get our worthiness from a job? i am self employed and work very few hours, I have heard negative remarks about me work schedule. I think to myself each time, "I work smart" not hard. I teach my children there is more to life than the typical j.o.b. I teach my children my happiness is a priority.
My son started kindergarten last year.....i had 30 hours/week of free time!!!! I was over the top Excited! I love that I can sit home in silent house and just enjoy it clean!!!!

5) You are a wonderful, sensitive girl. You have a big heart and care. The reason that boy upset you is because your care so much. That is a great quality to have! When you are ready, you will just begin to make decisions that feel good to you, and care less about others.

6) I hope you have the most amazing school year ever imagined!!

[Gina]

Sweetie, I have several things to comment on. <snipped>

Thank you so much for all of that. I cried again, reading that, but in a good way.
I feel like you really get where I am coming from, and it means a lot to me that you understand. I appreciate every word that you said.
:heart::love::namaste:

I think it is intersting that you took a totally neutral statement: "don't you freaking work" and interpreted it in a painful way. You know the person who made the comment better than I do, however, so maybe you knew their intent. e coul dhave just meant that *he/she* would never have time for that stuff. Because, well, most people DO work unless they're out of work! There's nothing vibrationally charge about that statement, other than your own personal stuff.

Good luck, and go breath easier somewhere. ake a vibrational load off and relax.
:heart:

I know, that's the whole point, really.
Because of my own beliefs, because it's a charged issue for me, I let someone else's words trip me up.

I won't argue whether what he said was a neutral statement or not.
I know how I feel about that.
My problem here is not with what he said so much as with my reaction to it.

It's all good. I'm glad I brought it up here. You've all helped me.
I feel better, y'all, and I'm sure I can feel my way back toward the vortex pretty soon. By 9:00 AM tomorrow, I am going to have an entire day to do whatever the hell I want for just about the first time in 16 years. :dance: That should help. XD

[AttractionFactor]

I know, that's the whole point, really.
Because of my own beliefs, because it's a charged issue for me, I let someone else's words trip me up.

I won't argue whether what he said was a neutral statement or not.
I know how I feel about that.
My problem here is not with what he said so much as with my reaction to it.

XD

Hi Gina,

When we encounter a negative emotion - such as the charged emotion you encountered by what someone wrote on your Facebook - the work is encounter the contrast, and to reach for better feeling thoughts.

We can, however, get into the pattern of explaining why a negative situation happened. In Abraham jargon, this is often called, "explaining your story." The reason we should avoid explaning the story is that we don't give enough attention to what we want, instead of what we don't want.

The person gave you a feeling of what you don't want, which is you don't want to feel bad about your work situation. Now the contrast allows you to give your attention to what you do want, which is to feel good about how you work.

Your work is to find better feeling thoughts from there.

When I apply the Abraham processes, I can often get into the story of explaining why a negative situation happened to me, such as a bad friend who makes negative statements about me. It's normal to react, but if you continue to focus on why they did this to you, that vibration of "this happened to me" gets stuck in your vibrational craw. And that type of vibration will continue to attract other situations that match it.

In order to prevent that vibration from attracting again, the work is to feel better from where you are, as you give more attention to what you want.

It sounds like you want:

* To desire to work what you want.

* To deserve to not have people attack you.

* To deserve to feel supported in what you want to attract in your experience in terms of employment.

Give more attention to what you want - and less and less on what you don't want, by explaining a negative story - and you'll attract more of what you want into your experience. As you focus more on what you want - you bring more of it in your life by Law of Attraction - but when you explain the story of why it makes you react in a negative way - you distill the momentum of what you want from manifesting, because your attention is less on what you do want. You keep on telling the story of what you don't want.

Of course, I know you know all of this, so please just read this as just reinforcement (grin). And be free to enjoy your days, as you allow yourself to experience the work the way you wanted to intend it to be :).

Steve

[Gina]

Steve, thank you so much for taking the time to write that out for me. I think I was doing pretty well in that regard but then this one little thing popped up and blew it all to hell. I guess it was all a little more fragile than I realized. It snowballed, actually, and I had a TERRIBLE, wish-it-never-happened kind of day yesterday.
Shifting my focus back on what I do want...

Leah:
Yes.
Thank you.


Thank you all, my loves. I am thinking on what everyone has said. I appreciate your input greatly. :heart:



Reaching for a better feeling thought,

Gina

[Tai]

Hi sweet Gina,

Okay, so it's obvious there are some beliefs that are touched right now. Good for you. That means you can clear them up, feel if they are still la match to you (and based on your negative emotions I would say no ^^) and then find a belief that does feel good. This is a perfect chance to take!
I love you :love:

[Gina]

Ahhh, thank you, my dearest Tai. I like the idea that these beliefs are no longer a match for me. Yeah, I think that's right! That makes me very, very happy! :rainbow:

I love you, too, Tai, sooooooo much! :hug: :kiss5:



By the by, Alex, this FB friend sent me a message asking to be my friend again, and saying he was so sorry and how much he likes and appreciates me, and acknowledging what he said sounded unkind, so maybe I wasn't totally projecting, there...
I wasn't expecting that or trying to manipulate him into it by de-friending him, or whatever; I only cared about feeling OK. But I thought it was worth mentioning that he, himself, acknowledged I wasn't just inventing something to feel like shit over. ;)

This whole thing has been really enlightening for me in a lot, lot, LOT of ways.

Thank you ALL.
I :heart: you so much!

[Gina]

Y'know, I still don't have my groove back. WTF.

[Tai]

Ahhh honey!
Love you :heart:
Everything will be alright again soon

[Gina]

Ahhh honey!
Love you :heart:
Everything will be alright again soon


:hug::kiss5:

[Gina]

Ach, Leah, I tried that and it didn't work. That shit only works for me if I am somewhere in the same neighborhood as my vortex. And I ain't.

So I am soaking in bubbles for the THIRD time today and drinking IPA and listening to sexxxxxy music and deciding not to pick my kids up from school until absolutely necessary instead of as soon as possible and posting potentially embarrassing shit on Facebook. And that is inching me ever so slightly closer to that bastard vortex, with its red velvet ropes and its bouncer sizing up my happiness before it lets me in...

[Gina]

Alas, I don't think I am prepared to do that.
My current relationship is rather limiting, and it is the thing most like I private life that I have right now.

I do love this IV drip idea, though.
You really are such a clever one, dear Leah. I adore you. :heart:

[Gina]

Actually, Leah, since we're talking about it, he's popped in to other sites I belong to and read all my posts before under the guise of trying to take in interest in what I'm interested in. He doesn't know specifically of Abetalk, but he does know I visit "Abe-related forums."
I do wish to speak openly, and there's plenty more I'd like to discuss but I don't want to have him snooping and reading something that will cause WWIII...

[Gina]

Thank you. :heart:

*idea* Perhaps we could have a spot in the invisible room where conversations that need to stay private, can?

[Tai]

Thank you. :heart:

*idea* Perhaps we could have a spot in the invisible room where conversations that need to stay private, can?

No, not in the invisible room! I'm not a member there :grin:..

[asjairok]

Oh I haven't been reading anybody elses answer.
I read yesterday on some othe tread
how after contrast you get shinier
so don't you worry about how yesterday was more peaceful
tomorrow will be sunnier
everything is just as it has to be, all this little circumstances, and you will eventually understand sense of it.
what you trully deserve is a job that will make you happy, if job. One that is giving you time...
you truly deserve best of the best. whatever that is for you!
I'm not going to say that some alining to this isn't necessary, only that IS what you deserve !

[Gina]

No, not in the invisible room! I'm not a member there :grin:..

Oh, OK, LOL! How come I am the only one that thinks my SO might come here and read something I've written about our relationship and start trouble with me? Maybe because I'm the only one it's happened to already. I:heart: you, Tai. Have I mentioned that lately? XD
you truly deserve best of the best

Ana, thank you for everything you wrote - especially this. I need to hear that.
You are beautiful. :heart:

[Tai]

Hihi, I love you too Gina! :hug: