Aarrgghhh

[Tai]

I know this feeling will pass, it does every time, but still, it seems as if I never can just acknowledge it. I feel annoyed, kind of angry actually. I know that we have a wonderful relationship together, can share lots of things, have beautiful love between us, but still, his mood swings get to me. I used to get upset, get sad, depressed even, and I AM very happy that those feelings are over. What I feel now is just irritation, and anger. He just can't be NICE for longer than 2/3 days. He can't be just happy with everything, but always has to find fault. And I get angry, because it seems he always finds fault with me. But I don't need that!
It annoys me so much that he just can't always be the loving person that he can be. When he's in such a mood, he can't just respond to something like a normal person, but always acts as if he is superior, as if he's smarter than everyone. I just want to scream when he does that!
I love him and everything, and I AM happy that his mood clears up in no time, it isn't as bad as it used to be. But I just wish he could be some more 'normal' sometimes.

[Rodney]

Life. Gotta love it.

[Mariposa]

GUYS can be annoying sometimes.. :rolleyes:

just kick him in the crotch! :facelol: he's not better than you, you are AWESOME, YOU RULE, BABY!! :joylick:

:p

[Tai]

Ahhh thanks dear Maris :heart:
I was about to kick him in the crotch, but then he came to bring me a kiss, and I was happy again.. I am so easy..

[Rodney]

Temporary Experience is Temporary.

[Mariposa]

:facelol: you are so easy... Tai

or we can say...

feeling good is so easy!

ain't it?

:love:

[Tai]

Temporary Experience is Temporary.
Love that haha, it is that simple.

Maris, every time I get over that negative feeling it feels so much better, then I realzie feelign good can be so easy indeed.

[Pina Colada]

Boys and their penises...Can't live with them,and can't launch them with a NASA rocket in the Earth's orbit so they can admire their giant egos taking over half the size of our planet.XD

Tai baby,a big bear hug to you.:heart::heart::heart:

[Dawn]

rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl

Tai, practise laughing and walking away. Don't get caught up in the criticism.

I agree with Leah. Hubby used to get pissy about this or that and express his pissiness as blame on me. And I took it. :confused: Eventually, I just told him 'Hey, be pissy. Doesn't have anything to do with me.' He's got it now. Unless, of course, it does have something to do with me. Then I kick him in the crotch. XD :facelol: Hugs Tai.

[vineyardnancy]

http://www.theblueandsilver.com/forums/images/smilies/lmao_2.gif Mariposa - cracking me up!!!http://www.theblueandsilver.com/forums/images/smilies/lmao_2.gif
just kick him in the crotch

http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/crying.gif Dawn!! http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/crying.gif
Eventually, I just told him 'Hey, be pissy. Doesn't have anything to do with me.' He's got it now. Unless, of course, it does have something to do with me. Then I kick him in the crotch.
http://i438.photobucket.com/albums/qq110/Speedo_Ghost/Smiley/LMAO_F.gif...:heart:Tai :heart:- these guys give great advice...http://i438.photobucket.com/albums/qq110/Speedo_Ghost/Smiley/LMAO_F.gif

[New Dawn Rising]

Hey Tai. Reminds me of my hubby - sort of. And I used to get upset when he would be upset. Cause how could I be happy if he was a big grump? So he was keeping me from being happy! It was all his fault!

Then I realized it was all about me and not about him. So I did what Leah recommends. And guess what? It worked!

First of all I didn't get caught up in his crapola anymore.
And second of all, he doesn't seem to get into his crapola as much as he used to.

So I don't know if he really changed or if it just seems that way cause I'm not paying attention to it. Either way - I'm happier! :grin:

[Tai]

Laugh and walk away.

Leah, I try this indeed, but I can only seem to laugh very mean to him haha.
When he goes all arrogant on me, I know it is his fucked up mood that gets him there. So I've gone though the stage where I take it personal. Now I just find him very stupid, and when I laugh about it, it's more of a sneering laugh I guess. And that's not very enlightened either haha.
So, I would love to be able to laugh about it, in a friendly way. Like, 'ahh you're so cute' but I can't seem to feel that when he's so condescending.

And I can't stop but thinking, what if I created this ( XD)
I mean, when he's in a mood like that he criticizes people, including me.
And sometimes I AM doing things 'wrong' But the point is, I don't really care that I'm doing things wrong. I love that about me.. I don't think, but do most of the time.

Dawn and NewDawn, how do you do that then, not getting caught up and stay with yourself? Do you laugh about him, do you tell him to go criticize someone else? What I do now, is just ignore him basically, but inside of me I feel this growing apart at those moments (it sounds a bit dramatic, which it's not)

As always, William is very stressed because of his work. He has so much to do and too little time. so he goes to his office during the day, then comes home, and works til 1 at night. I used to get pissed about that, but I learned to take the advantages ffrom that, lots of time for myself, and at the end of the day we always have a half an hour together, watching a documentary we like, and he massages me every night :queen:
But because of that stress, he acts so annoyed to others sometimes. And I just don't like it when people do that. Of course I know my happiness doesn't depend on him, I leanred that the hard way for the last 2,5 years, but when my mum is coming to visit, and I see him getting annoyed be her, or my girlfriends are here, and we're having fun, and I see him feeling all superior, I want to scream! Because it makes me think of a nagging old grandpa or something..

Okay, the reaosn I can write this nw, is because I am not 'in' it. He was very sweet when he left for work, so I feel pretty good. And I think it is better to try and 'solve' these things when I'm not in the negative emotions.

Thanks honeys :heart:

[Tai]

Hi Skib!
I agree with you, but I still have some questions :grin:
So, I learned in the past 2,5 years together with William (the one this post is about) that indeed, I should not feel limited because of his feelings. He's had some pretty serious depressions etc. and I felt myself getting sucked into it, mostly because 1) I wanted to save him and 2) I felt the need to be one with him, and it didn't feel good to be happy when it was not, no, it almost felt impossible. So, I can say I learned the hard way to just focus on myself, and choose to feel the best feelings I can feel at that moment, regardless what William feels. And we went from him getting home from work, stressed out, not paying any attention to me, me feeling alone and sad and pissed off and reacting to him, him getting more and more in his cocoon of depression, which of course, made me even more angry etc. etc. to the point where it couldn not longer continue. I slowly learned to stop making him my source of happiness. I made something more of my own life, and automatically my happiness began to depend more on me.
So whenever he's stressed out by something, or when he's in a bad mood, I let him be, and it doesn't touch me anymore.
BUT (yep, there is the but) what can I do when his mood turns on ME?
I mean, I am an angel and everything :cool: but when someone actually starts nagging at things I do, then it does annoy me. And I know that he is not my source of happiness, neither is his opinion of me, but it just bugs me when I get something to drink and he tells me the freezer is open too long, or when I shower too long, when I should open the door because it's nice outside etc. etc. etc. I mean EVERYTHING is just filled with his comments, and not in a loving way. And where I used to feel sad about it, right now I am just annoyed big time!
And at that point I am right now, I am figuring out if his criticism has something to do with mirroring myself? Because to be honest, I think there's nothing wrong with how I do things. I am just different that him. I don't like the door open the whole day. I like taking long showers! I like doing things my way! And it's not that it's affecting him, it only affects him because he's watching me like a policeman when he's in a mood like that. Like he is looking for a fight with me or something.

So, I don't think this does mean that I think I am doing things wrong, I don't think it is that kind of mirror. I just can't really figure out what it is then..

Oh and P.S. this behavior is only there when he's in such a bad mood. Whenever he's happy again he's ashamed of how he acted, and then he's all fluffy bunny again..

[Tai]

Leah, I have the feeling I am going there, accepting the possibility that we are going in different directions. And it kind of scares me. Not because I think we will break up, because I don't feel that as an option, I mean, we are having lots of fun together as well, and we have such wonderful love between us 90% of the time. It is more that I find it very important in a relationship to get each other , and I miss that sometimes.
When William and I got to know each other, we were very much alike. He knew a lot about a lot of things I wanted to learn (meditation etc.) and he was the one that taught me about Abraham etc. He was the first one to tell others that being happy will create happiness, being cranky will make you more cranky. And in that way we were a match, we thought the same. And now, I slowly indeed begin to accept that we may go in different directions regarding our thinking. Or, at least, I am beginning to let go of the need to be together in our process. Because even when he's happy, his mood can turn around in no time, because of something so small (the cats nagging for food or something like that) and I am not like that at all. And I love that.
So, not walking the same way, it gives me a bit of scary feelings, but also relief because I realize I am not dependent of his mood. But still I am not always able to laugh at him in a sweet way, because he DOES acts out his mood on me.. How do you deal with that Leah, when Neil does that, attacking you personally? Or doesn't he do that?

Anyway Tai sweetie, glad things are okay with you and William. :love: Thanks sweets :love:

Skibby, you're totally right (again :facelol:) The rage I feel, I try to make it go away, because I HATE the arguments me and William have. With my ex-boyfriends I always won :queen: , but whenever I am angry at William, he gets angry right back at it goes nowhere. So indeed I try to just keep it in, because I want to avoid that.
But in my head, I keep on thinking 'What an ass are you!' in those moments, and the rage can't go anywhere. I don't let it out. Neither do I let out the disappointment or the other negative emotions I have regarding that. That is why making this post felt like relief.

He does treat our relationship poorly when he's in those moods. He takes a lot for granted. But the next day he is the sweetest man I've ever seen. So it's kinda hard to stay mad at him, or to take steps, or to talk about it, because it always blows over very quickly.
But, I feel as if this is a 'lesson' for me in some way. Maybe to (I don't know how to say this in English) defend myself more, to stay more with my truth. I just have to find a good way to do it, because right now I'm going from keeping my mouth shut with maybe a mean laugh here and there (and in the mean time in my mind I am SO pissed) to throwing a tantrum...

Love :heart:

[Izzy]

Tai,

are you just reacting to the situation? or are you doing something, on a consistent basis, to resolve it all together?

The reason I am asking is, your overall story sounds similar to mine. My husband has never talked to me in a condescending manner, but it was all his negativity towards the world and everything else that was bringing me down. Every time we tried to talk about my beliefs we ended up in huge disagreements and ugly fights.

He has always been a prince to me, but the fact that we were not in sync with our views of life was a big glitch for me. I couldn't see how we were going to be together for a long time if our views were so distant.

I decided to do my vibrational work first, instead of just reacting to his reactions. Every day (still do) I dedicate sometime to feel good about what I have with him, to see us happy no matter what. I see how he treats me so well, how we are such a good team. How he respects my views and I AM ABLE TO LIVE WITH HIS, even if they are different from mine. I work on accepting that he is different and loving him the way he is.

In short words, I stopped reacting (waiting for something to happen to do something) and started to be proactive (doing something about my vibration of the relationship before things went wrong). I couldn't tell you how much the situation has changed. There is no nagging in my house (I used to nag him, but don't feel the need anymore), there is love and harmony everyday. If he gets mad at something, which is very rare now, I know that I better get out of his way and sustain my own vibe. He comes back to happy rather quickly.

What is the most surprising thing is, that now he speaks more of optimism and happiness. He speaks more of prospertiy than lack. He is positive, he's happy. He says he never thought this much happiness was possible. He does not share all of my beliefs, but he understand where they come from and respects that. And I learned to respect his.

So, if you want to react, you can do it by getting out of his way, go to a quiet place outside and be with yourself for a bit, until you know you can sustain a good vibration. But if you want to change the situation all together, work on your own vibration about the realtionship consistently, and in time, you will experience the changes.

In all, I didn't change my husband. He's always been the sweetheart I fell in love with. But our relationship started to mirror back what I was putting in: harmony, peace and love. Life is a continual effort. Do not live by default. Make a conscious effort to align with what you want.

Love ya babe! :love:

[Izzy]

Hey, Look what I found! All of us being happy together :heart:

[Tai]

Hi Izzy :love:
Well, I am not really working on my own vibration, except when these situations occur. But when the situations aren't there, it is just going so well between us that I kinda 'forget' it. I don't experience it as if his moods have effect on me, only when they're there. When he's happy, we have the perfect relationship. When he's not, we don't. Sounds a bit simple I guess, but what I mean, is that it isn't like I keep thinking about all the nasty stuff he said etc.
I used to do that, but I grew to just keep myself happy, and not go there.It made me crazy. But, because these situations are still there, I figure, it must be something in my vibration.. i just can't really figure out what.
Like, yesterday he came home from work feeling irritated, and he acted out on me. Today he came home feeling happy, and he is all sweet. But both days I feel the same, just happy. So why do I attract him nagging at me, when I really don't feel there's anything in my vibration about that.

What I want, is to be able to let it slide by, without it hurting me or making me angry in the moment. Did you work on that as well? How did you do that?

Ohhh, and love the pic! You're so pretty :love:

[vineyardnancy]

:lasso:Leah!!:thankyou:
More great words of wisdom! - feels really good sometimes to just allow the "we may part company" feeling to be there. Quite liberating (and frees me to be loving towards him)
I figure if he's headed for destitution and I'm headed for fabulous wealth and all the other wonderful stuff in my VE, we may part company one day..

[Izzy]

Tai,

From my perspective, I think that trying to figure out "why" is useless. I've never been able to figure out why things go crappy, so I don't waste my time trying to.

Just remember that it's easier to feel better when you are already feeling good, than to feel better when you're feeling like crap. Abe said that once and that stuck to me. So why would I wait to do my vibrational work when it's very hard (when I feel like crap)? Instead, I work on all subjects of my life when I am feeling good. Then I go from good to better, and then to better, and then to better. When I feel bad I work on getting a bit of relief, but I don't aim for greatness. It's too hard.

but what I mean, is that it isn't like I keep thinking about all the nasty stuff he said etc.


And why would you? that's not the point. The point is to make a deliberate, conscious effort to focus on the things that are already going well, and imagining them even better. Don't try to change what you don't like. Instead, try to amplify what you already like. It's more downstream. Seriously, if you don't try it, you'll never know.

To me, my relationship is one of the most important things in my life. For some people it's career, money, kids, friends, etc. For me it is my romantic relationship with my husand, so I will stop at nothing to make it better. And I choose to do it the easy way, using my imagination. After all, that's what imaginations are for, to plan your future events. Use it.

See, thing is, after we get a hang of this stuff, we think that we can just do it without thinking, but it takes practice. It happened many times to me that I thought I didn't have to deliberately "work" (more like play) with my imagination, and I ended up living by default. Have you read Sierra's story about falling in her bathroom and almost nailing her eye? she was living by default and was reminded by that episode that YOU can carve your life, but it's an ongoing process. The process gets easier, but it never ends.

Remember, always do your vibrational work first. Life gets easier and more fun when you approach it that way.

Love ya, again :love:

[Tai]

Don't try to change what you don't like. Instead, try to amplify what you already like. It's more downstream. Seriously, if you don't try it, you'll never know.


Aaahhhhhhhhhhh, now I get it :o Thank you so much :love:

[Deva]

Go figure. Men are so crazy. that's why I turn out lesbian at times:facelol:

rofl:clap:rofl

[Mariposa]

Deva! me too! :joylick::facelol:

[Tai]

Girl! No laughing allowed on my 'Aarrgghhh' - thread! This is serious business! :facelol:

Adal, believe me, I tried to become a lesbian at times. It just didn't work :rolleyes:

[thesweetnow]

I wanted to post some personal AARRGG! and came across this thread. I have to read more and re-read it but it is SO WHERE I AM/HAVE BEEN!!

I've had it all figured out recently on how I was in a place to 'fall in love' with another man (that's all bummer done n' shit - waaaaa:cry:!!) - because the 'new' guy looked at me with kindness and all good and my current guy always regarded me in the worst way possible. It just practically destroyed me. Would pull that argumentative, he's more intelligent on every petty fracking thing bullshit too. Blame me blame me blame me for his angst.

I got to the point where I was in total exasperation say' 'WHAT DO YOU NEED ME TO DO OR SAY DIFFERENTLY SO YOU"LL BE FUCKING HAPPY?!!!'.

What a horseshit thing to have attracted to me.

Now I can distance myself and now he's all worried I'm done so he's 'kissing my ass'.

I had quietly and calmly resolved in my heart and head that we may part ways, but can still be incredible parents to our little kid. And that I would be okay. Then my world blew apart. (fell for someone else). It was wild, I knew I was falling in love with me again.

Now I'm here in it, new love gone, current partner trying trying trying to say good things to me about me so I won't leave. Doesn't bode well. But we do what we can, I guess. I'm somewhat trapped by his fears and insecurity.

I just want to be in a fantastic loving relationship (yeah, yeah, got the groovy relationship with ME/Inner Being), have mind-blowing sex (or just really good sex) and my kid be okay and even fantastic regardless of who I'm in relationship with.

Whew!:p

Anyhooooooo

[LOALola]

Dear JV / The Sweet Now,

Isn't your now SWEEEEET! Everything has manifested for you! All the clarity is here, just as you desired!

:rocket2::kiss::rocket2::kiss::rocket2:

There is no AARRGG about it! Now it is simply time to act. All of your manifestations have arrived! Embrace them! You created them!

Why are you staying in low vibration, false-happiness turmoil at home? Move in with New Love or get hubby to move out. If that's too fast to logistically work, get him to move out or you move out with friends or get a no-lease apartment to hold you over until you and New Love can make a new nest!

Tell new love that you share this deep love so it fully can expand and embrace you both - now! Everything has manifested! Act! Act! Embrace your new love and your incredible love manifestation!

Of course, of course, you and new love mirror each other. Your new love amplifies what is wonderful about you, making you feel love and be love and return love. Deep love does not see your negatives; they see the perfect you, your loving, wonderful, best soul!

All indicators are that the sex should be awesome beyond measure. That's my educated guess. :facelol: :heart::heart::heart:

Act! The universe awaits you in all your loving glory.

I also emailed you, then saw your marquee note.

What a glorious time for you!!!!!!! Embrace all of it!!!!! :heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:

Love and great happiness to you,

LOA Lola

[thesweetnow]

Of course, of course, you and new love mirror each other. Your new love amplifies what is wonderful about you, making you feel love and be love and return love. Deep love does not see your negatives; they see the perfect you, your loving, wonderful, best soul!

Love and great happiness to you,

LOA Lola

:joylick:
:heart::heart::heart::heart::heart: LOALola, I *love* those words. :grin:

[LOALola]

TheSweetNow,

I'm glad you do love those words. Now go take it now, embrace your manifestations by taking action and realizing your dreams - it's all sitting there for you on a silver platter! :heart::heart::heart::heart:

Don't wait around until you can find someone ELSE who will never love you enough. Don't let that old mantra into your life ever again! It's too easy to think we belong where it's comfortable, in a place of lack and therefore are afraid to move forward when our rockets of desire deliver our manifestations. Don't doubt your love manifestations back out of existence! Embrace it all NOW!

Don't analyze! Love it, love you, love everything about your manifestation - and take action! Share the love and move on it!

You lucky thing! :heart::heart::heart::heart:

The SEX WILL BE GREAT!

Love,

LOA Lola

[LOALola]

TheSweetNow and I talked via email.

All is fabulous with her.

She just has to do a little pre-paving and run this love manifestation cycle through one more time since she's almost aligned for it.

Love is in the air and it's all downstream.

Here's to love, happiness and dreams coming true for The Sweet Now!

:heart::heart::heart:

LOA Lola

[Tai]

Some stupid argument just pissed the whole day away, now the day is almost over, and I wonder, how much of this crap am I going to take???
He just feels so attacked with everything I say, and he just start to insult me, even though I didn't even mean anything crappy by anything I said.
He asked 'Shall we go walk by our old house, and introduce us to the new owners?'
And I said 'Well, I'm not sure about that, I mean, they are working very hard there, I wouldn't want to disturbe them.'
And then he was like' Well, we can just say who we are, and ask if everything's going alright'
And it just didn't feel right to me, because I remember when we were moving, we were painting and re-doing the floor, and all those things, and every time someone came by, to just look at what we were doing, and talking to us, we felt like they were holding us off from our 'job' and he would get very very annoyed.
So I said' Well, I don't know, they don't care about us, they are probably working too hard, I think it's kinda silly to expect them to find us interesting'
Oh my GOD, what happened then was this:
He started to get angry, and told me I was insulting him. And I tried to defend myself, because I really wasn't! So I explained what I meant, said I wasn't thinking anything stupid of him, but he just kept going, telling me how stupid I am, how mean etc. etc. He just feels so attacked with everything, so I told him that. I said 'Don't feel as if I attack you, because I didn't at all! Please, just calm down man! This is ridiculous!'
Okay, well, so far so good .... :rolleyes: but then, William's most wonderful side came out, as always.
I went upstrairs to chill a bit, because I really can't stand those arguments, and he came sit next to me, and told me this:
'You are so stupid, really, I can't live with someone like you. You always are so afraid of everything, woman, grow up! You irritate me so much. Why do you care what they think about us when we ask them how it's going in our old house? You shouldn't care about that! You are really not at my level, I can't live with you! (yes, he said this 2, maybe 3 times)
You limit me! I hate feeling so limited by you and your fucking childish behavior! Really, you make me this way, I am so mean to you because of you. You limit me! (yep, 3 times or so as well)

And all that time, I was just crying, and asking him to stop talking. Because everytime it goes this way. Whenever I say what I think, and it isn't the same as he thinks, he gets so annoyed, and I feel I have to defend myself, and when I don't change my mind, I'm either a bitch, a child, not on his level, I limit him, or whatever. And all of that just because I have a different opinion, for example, about it being okay to say hello to new owners of your previous house. I mean, who cares??

He didn't stop, and there came a point (this is new for me) where I told him to 'shut his ugly mouth' but he still went on, so I just focused on a point outside, in the sky, and I kept staring at it, until his words vanished.
Then, he went away, and came back after a few minutes, to tell me he was sorry, and to ask for an apology from me. I didn't give one, because this is just insane. Whenever I am rude to him (which is never, because I am truly afraid of doing that) I will apologize on my knees, but I'm not gonna say sorry for having another opinion. I'm not gonna apologize for not giving in to thinking the same way all the time.

I have the feeling he has this obsessive need to be right all the time, and even if I say 'I think this or that' just as you do to a person, you know, epress yourself, he gets upset.

Everytime this happens I feel like I'm in a part of someone else's soap. I feel like a puppet, being yelled at, being hugged and apologized to, being yelled at, being apologized to, and in the mean time, I AM NOT EVEN PART OF IT.
I feel less and less of a connection this way, because I can't be myself, and if the true me can't connect to him, then it isn't real.

This is the 383927302th time this happened, and I feel like I should give up and walk.

Sorry for this, but this is my Aarrgghhh thread, and I'm gonna use it to do just that.

[Dance of Joy]

Hi Tai,

Good for you for expressing how you truly feel. Clarity is on its way.

It sounds though V is a lovely person, he is prone to times of great detachment from Source. It is normal for you to question your desire to be around that. At the very least, I would leave the room or the house when that began happening.

I was drawn to remember this bit by Abraham that came into my experience a few minutes ago. Take from it anything that works and heave the rest out.

Love,
C



Abraham:

"So It is a very normal thing for your source to call you into a place of
detachment, when there is something going on that your not wanting to
be present for, and even today, this is going to sound strange to you,
and were sure that therapist around the world would have a field day if
they were to hear this, so don't tell them (laughter)...
We teach that very detachment, because whatever your focused upon,
activates a vibration Community (http://abetalk.com/newreply.php?do=newreply&noquote=1&p=63382&nojs=1#community)within you, so you have a choice to activate a
vibration that is helpful, or activating a vibration that is not helpful,
and what worries them, they don't want you to detach from the world
and not have a real life, they don't want you to be so ready to cut and run- they would rather you face reality, they want you to keep a stiff upper lip, and to face reality, and we don't, we want you to get into the vortex and live happily ever after- because we know whats in there and we know how good it can be for you. And we don't think you should have to ever visit something uncomfortable, and we know that a determination
to revisit uncomfortable things just holds you in the holding pattern
of disallowing the fullness of what life can be longer, you see...

Questioner:
"ok so this is my question then...it makes perfect sense as a child
that if your experiences something very violent and overwhelming
that you would leave, its a survival way,

Abraham:
"Well we think its nice that you'd say if its awful we should leave,
but we want to say, if its slightly unpleasant, you don't need to be
there either..if someone is beating you up, it woud be nice for you
to release your consciousness and not experience it, but if someones
insulting you, it would be nice for you to leave that too. If someone is so
out of the vortex and they can't love you the way you want to be loved,
we think it is right that you withdraw your attention from them and look
somewhere else where you can find love., in other words, we don't think
you should be beat up, insulted or have your feelings hurt, or diminished,
or devalued in any way, but until you get it, that its an inside job, that
you have the control of that, its really interesting that so many people,
many children discovered their control of alignment even in adverse
situations, and now therapy is trying to get rid of that control, and
trust the others..you don't want to trust the others!, the only thing
you can trust is your alignment with source, and when you get into
the vortex, now you can trust that law of attraction will not allow
anything that defies that trust from being, but you have to get into the
vortex.

You can't harass someone into the vortex, you can't demand them in,
you can't insult them in, you can't beat them in, you can't embarass them
in, you can only LOVE THEM IN..and if you don't have someone up close
to you loving you thats in the vortex, your source is, but what if you've
been distracted from that, your source is always calling you in, but
what if whats going on in your life is so loud that you cant..then what happens is that you have a detachment-source calls you so loudly in those adverse conditions that it just scrambles the signal- its like what we were saying about Jesus- someone sitting before Jesus and him just knowing the wellness of your being, that he doesnt see the illness, and him knowing it so strong for that time, you know it too, and that detachment allow you not needing a healer to be your catalyst you are going directly to source- source is loving you so that you find that detachment. And we want to teach everyone to do that on purpose. We want it that ANYTIME anything hurts your feelings, a little bit, sometimes you get your feelings hurt and the other person didn't mean to hurt your feelings, there are all kinds of hurts, that are SELF INFLICTED, we want to go so far as to say that all of them are- but thats hard to hear those early stages when your powerless and little and someone else has control, it FEELS like you don't have control, but YOU DID, you had detachment.

Abraham Hicks
mexico cruise 2009 -CD 4 Track 6


(http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=3526516&op=1&view=all&subj=149726239605&aid=-1&auser=0&oid=149726239605&id=679408265)

[cigi]

This is the 383927302th time this happened, and I feel like I should give up and walk.




Eww, Tai. That's totally yucky, babe.

I'm wondering what you'd like to see happen.

Would you rather walk or smooth it out?

[Izzy]

Honestly, I would walk out. No, I would run out.

But that's just what I would do.

[thesweetnow]

Oh Tai, I could feel that. Ouch!

I can't imagine being with someone else, but I can imagine being on my own again. I am treading lightly and waiting to see what will unfold.

Sometimes I think it's my job to try to make this man happy, no matter the cost to me, and no matter that he never stays happy for long. How sick and self-defeating is that? And how bloody thankless!

Keep on loving you and I believe either he will change towards you, or he will vibe right out of your life.

That's what I'm doing, anyway.

Oh gosh Leah - I'm thinking it's SO not our job to make someone happy.
I bolded the part where you said he's not even thankful of all you do....to what? help him be happy.
I know that you know that his happy is his pie and just his job and you only have to do your happy for you.
Except I also know how much easier it is when they just fracking get happy and stay there for a while. I can keep my vibe up when my man's is up. Detaching is tiring. And I think my nature is not to detach. I want to live in easy, fun, sexy, warm, safe, expanding love with another. Not so much work, work, working on it. Yeah, I want to feel successful and smart 'bout all this too.

Just want to live, not work at living. In joy. and understanding. ^^

:heart:Sweet now chica

[Tai]

Thanks family, for your support. It means the world to me.

Christine, I indeed try to withdrawal my attention from the situation, but of course that's only reaction to the moment, instead of really clearing it. It even goes so far that William just doesn't let me go, because he's not done to tell me what a b*tch I am. (here is the part where I usually say 'it's not that bad, but I just begin to realize that it is. I mean, not to play a victim or anything, because I very much know I am not, but I just think it is time to see the situation for what it is, instead of putting a happy face sticker on it)

The part about you cannot harass, insult, demand someone into the vortex. I feel William is trying to do this. Every time he gets angry, it is because he thinks I am having a negative emotion. And he just can't stand me having that. Whenever we are having a fight, and he yells at me, a few minutes after that he feels sorry, and he wants to hold me. Then he asks me to forget it all and just be nice to each other again. And when I don't do that, he gets angry again. I mean, it's not that I'm still mad then, I just can't stop crying, or I just need a moment to myself.
And for the past months I did that (try to be nice and normal again), because I believed that staying sad or angry was very stupid, and that that wasn't 'enlightened' But now I think, how on earth can I just be happy again in 1 minute, after someone insulted me? Isn't it logical that I need some time to get some air again? I used to be someone that would stay in my negative emotion for very long, and in that way I am happy for this lesson, because I don't do that anymore, but this feels like the complete opposite, and even though I can act happy, and I am feeling better after a while, the negative energy from the fight is still there, because I don't get space to release it.


Cigi, I don't know what I want. On the one hand, when it's good, it's great. On the other hand, when it's bad, it's hell.
And yesterday I thought about the good parts in our relationship, and I think it is more my input than his. I always compliment him, I am really a sweet person for him, I make sure I don't talk too much about negative shit because I know he doesn't like that, I always am open to having fun together.
And to be honest, he mostly just does his own thing and lets me be. I mean, he is very sweet, kissing me, hugging me, and he's trying to make a real home for us, you know, those things, but just being interested in ME, in how my day was like, the good AND the bad, and not only in the fun things, I miss that lately.
He only seems to enjoy things when they're perfect. Whenever something happens that isn't perfect, he gets annoyed. Even when it's that my mother calls me on a moment he doesn't feel like it (:rolleyes:) or when the cats poops on the floor. His whole mood goes down, and the fun is over.
We've had some good times the first weeks we lived in our new home, but now everything is getting back to the old us again, and I have changed, and I feel this isn't for me.

Right now he is being very sweet, but I think that is only because he feels sorry for being such an ass yesterday, and it just doesn't feel true.
And he can be sweet, he is that a lot, I just feel he is just getting another depression episode again, and I just DON'T WANT THIS!
I guess for me to figure out if I want to be with him or not, means I have to really understand the dynamics of our relationship. And right now I am too emotional to see a clear picture I think.


Leah, I always felt you understood me about this subject on a very deep level. You are right, that a part of me feels sorry, but a much bigger part is just plain scared. I mean, I am (was, dunno) so incredibly in love with him. I knew what I wanted with him, I could see our future together and it was perfect. And to give up means to lose that too. I still have hope it will be better, although it gets less and less. Because I am not happy in my NOW.
And I don't want to waste 30 years to in the end maybe be happy.

I detach myself from him a lot, but whenever things are good again, I get into it 110%, and then I bump into the same shit again. When it's good, when he's happy, I get so hopeful, that now it will finally work out. He tells me he is so sorry for being so mean to me, it will never happen again, next day, sometimes next hour, same thing happens..

I so understand what you saying about feeling it is your job to make him happy. That's how I feel indeed. Like, when I have an off day, I must not let him notice that, because he will get annoyed. Or when I am sad, I must come here and talk to my family about it, not with him, because he will not be able to deal with it.
So when we have a fight, he is getting so mean, I feel I should forget about it very quickly, because he won't be able to deal with me being pissed or sad about it for long. But, when he screams at me that I am not on his level, I think, when YOU are on the level you think you are, why can't you deal with a little negative emotions from your girlfriend once in a while? I mean, I am not depressed. I am not a drama queen. I just live life and sometimes I bump into something and I want to express my feelings, or my thoughts about it, to get some clarity about it, or to find better feeling thoughts, or just to let it out. And I just can't because I feel it is my responsibility to make him, or keep him, happy. So for a very long time I've kept everything to myself, and I feel it's time to release it.

The weird this is, that he can't deal with negative emotions from others, while he just feels them a lot himself.

I am loving myself more than ever, I just need it. But the question keeps popping into my head. Why do I attract this? What in me is a match to getting insulted?

Leah, your picture made me laugh so hard. Thanks for that :hug:


Izzy, why? I am afraid that runnign won't make me less of a match to this, but I can't figure out why I am a match to this.


Skibby, when you say it is about how I treat myself inside, I guess that will be the logical Abe explanation for what I attract, but I honestly don't treat myself like shit inside. I learned to love myself, and I don't agree with what William says about me. I don't know where this comes from, but it's not a refelction on how I think about myself.

And you know, telling this 'sad' tale actually feels downstream to me at this moment. Beause I am trying to keep my mouth shut about negativity for so long, I think it just has to come out one day. It feels good to be 'honest' to myself about what I feel. When I just put a happy face sticker on my feelings, that felt like abusing myself. I mean, I'm not gonna beat the drum about this, this is just a moment where it feels good to let it out. I AM looking for better feeling thoughts.
I am where I am now, so how to stay in the Vortex? When I feel good ,and someone else does not, and he start to yell at me that I am a loser, how do I feel good? Any tips? Because I sure as hell can't do it anymore.

[thesweetnow]

Tai,
I tried to read all of your post but got about 3/4 of the way.

You have so many opportunities to get into your vortex. Some day you'll be able to thank him for this. Some day. When you can not be tied into him for your emotional life.

I have a feeling when he says you are not on his level it's because he is knowing HE IS NOT ON YOUR LEVEL.
I think he is afraid. Afraid to love and be truly vulnerable. It's so easy to stay being an asshole when someone lets you dump your shit on them. He is dumping his shit on you.
IS IT NOT LOVING TO TAKE SOMEONE'S SHIT DAY AFTER DAY.
It is not proving that you are worthy or a good person to stand there or sit there and take someone's crapfest.

This is not love, is it?

Geez, I see your photo and you are truly beautiful.
Wise, gorgeous and ready to love and be loved.

Release yourself in any way you can from his fears, insecurity and what can be labeled as abuse, in my opinion.
Remain your gentle self and leave the room, leave the house when he speaks anything hurtful to you about you.

BECAUSE YOU Love YOU! Your Inner Being loves and adores you.

Stop taking his shit and take back your life.

COuld you take a break from listing every shit thing he does?!!! We get it!

BOPA you. BOPA you. BOPA you. You must begin to believe it and then in time, your relationships will change. Stand in your power. Stand in your worth.

Simply start with - I will not listen to this one moment longer. No more. I must leave. When I return if you start in again, I will leave. Life is too short for all this pain. You were not put here to save him.

He is not going to change. YOU MUST CHANGE FIRST! Continue to reach for what you know about you. That you are a magnificent being. :hug:

[Dance of Joy]

It even goes so far that William just doesn't let me go, because he's not done to tell me what a b*tch I am.Tai, no one ever deserves this sort of treatment. Take it from a woman who has been there.

The shit behaviour followed by the sweet stuff (hugs, kisses, apologies perhaps) is part of the cycle of violence. If you are ready to, look it up online.

For me to leave, it took a woman therapist saying to me, 'You are looking after the little boy in him.' I was loving him more than I was loving me, and that is the reason I stayed.

Love you enough to know that you are not meant for that stuff, babe.

I ADORE YOU.

Love,
Christine :heart::heart::heart:

[Gina]

I love you, Tai. :heart:

[Izzy]

Tai, no one ever deserves this sort of treatment. Take it from a woman who has been there.

The shit behaviour followed by the sweet stuff (hugs, kisses, apologies perhaps) is part of the cycle of violence. If you are ready to, look it up online.

For me to leave, it took a woman therapist saying to me, 'You are looking after the little boy in him.' I was loving him more than I was loving me, and that is the reason I stayed.

Love you enough to know that you are not meant for that stuff, babe.

I ADORE YOU.

Love,
Christine :heart::heart::heart:

I second what Christine said. And as I was reading your post I was thinking "cycle of violence" all the way to the end, and then I see that Christine mentioned it here. I learned a lot about it when I worked with abused women in the US.

Tai, how much of this can you take? what does it have to happen for you to leave? You have to LOVE yourself much more than this.

As Skooby Doodoo said, you are trying to figure out "why" and you're spending way too much energy on this, and it's keeping you away from your power.

In my opinion, and you might not like it, but lately I can't stay quiet :rolleyes:, you are being abused, which makes you a victim. You might not see it like that, but from where I am sitting, I see a big sign over your forehead that says so. Did you co-create it? but of course. Like Christine said, if you're ready, google it and learn from from it.

Something tells me to stop right here, so I will. I love you. Let your own guidance bring you to a smooth solution, but you have to LISTEN to it.

Much love to you, beautiful sis :love:

[Dance of Joy]

A very informative book: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans.

[Chamber]

Channel your emotions...so your emotions don't channel You.

[Tai]

Skib, you're right about me putting very much energy in figuring out why I attract this. That is because I think that when I 'get' it, I can change it and not take it with me to my next creation 9I don't mean another boyfriend, but just anything)
But what you say is that that isn't necessary? That by focusing on better feelings, I will stop attracting this? I guess that feels kinda insecure to me, because I am afraid I will keep the 'being treated like shit' in my vibe. I tend to do this, just really doing everything to figure things out. You can say I'm obsessing about it. Just because I'm AFRAID it won't change any other way..

The Sweet Now, what you wrote about him feeling afraid sounds really right to me. For example, when I think about it, sometimes he can be very condescending about people in my life. Sometimes I feel as if he's afraid I will leave his anger to become happy.
He is a perfectionist and never wants to be 'weak'. He doesn't believe in that. He also doesn't believe acknowledging your emotions does anything for you. He ignores everything slightly negative he feels. And I see his outbursts, and think that when he would just sometimes accept when he feels sad or something, this won't happen.

Izzy, Christine, Adal, Leah
I've grown in my acceptance towards this situation. I don't want to act like a victim, but I guess in a way you can call this emotional abuse. It doesn't feel very good to put such a label on it, as you probably will understand, but whatever.
I can be mean as well. I said so to William. I can be a bitch. And we can fight with each other like crazy (almost never happens) and then I can act mean as well.
But he always takes it a step further, which always puts us in a situation where I am being yelled at. Never the other way around.

Bethie, indeed I no longer take this, and man does it feel good. I know that sounds weird.

Chris, don't think I don't try that. I don't love these emotions, especially not when it feels like they are taking me over.


Yesterday I told him I will no longer go on like this, that I just want to be happy. I said to him that when he acts the way he does, no woman will put up with him. I said so much, as did he, cannot even remember, but it just felt good to let it out for once.
He said the same things, I will change, sorry, and when I didn't fall down on my knees, he said it was my fault as well.
He said some things that are true. No doubt about it. There were points he made where I got more clarity in my part in this as well.
But still, his behavior is unacceptable to me, and he knows that now.
Another thing came out of our talk, I have to go to work now, so I will talk about it later, but basically he said he misses the connection we used to have. This made me so pissed, because I told him this would happen for about 2,5 years. Since we are together, all he does is work. I said every time, that he just pisses all over our relationship when he ignores me and us like that. Now, since we have our new home, I stopped caring a bit, and just started leading my life. now he tells me he doesn't feel the connection anymore, and he misses that. But like... duh. Ignore something, and it will go away.

Love you:heart:

[Sapphire]

Tai - I don't want to give advice because I'm certainly no relationship expert, but just want to say that it concerns me sometimes when I read relationship (or job-related etc) threads on LoA-related forums & so often people say, in effect, you shouldn't walk away from an unhappy situation - you should just stay and clean up your vibration, & either that person will change or you'll vibe away from each other. And I can see the wisdom in that, but it seems to me that if two people just aren't getting along, and one of them has done their best to clean their vibe up, love themselves, focus on what they want etc (as you have, from the sound of it) - and the other is still acting like an arse (as he appears to be) - then that discord is, in itself, evidence of them vibing away from each other. So the logical thing to do is to leave. (And I know that sometimes staying put & doing inner work can change a situation for the better, which is wonderful - but if you do that work and nothing changes- well, maybe it's not going to.)

Now I'm not saying you should leave William (but I've got to say that if I was in the situation you describe, I'd be out of the door - it does sound emotionally abusive). But it's ok to leave if that's what you want to do. Don't feel like doing vibrational work is incompatible with taking action too. Sometimes threads like this (I'm thinking of several I've read on the Abe Forum recently) sound like the person has got their hand on a hot stove, and is saying- why can't I get into the vortex when my flesh is burning off here? And most of the replies are like, you just need to stay where you are and focus on what you want - keep your hand on the stove & your flesh will miraculously stop burning off, or you'll find a way to enjoy it :roll: But the stove isn't going to stop being hot no matter how much you change your thoughts about it, and sometimes people just don't change either, and the discomfort you feel in the situation is a sign to take some action and remove yourself from it. It sounds like William, who may be a wonderful person in many ways, just has these ways of behaving that are horrible for you to live with, and he may or may not change. But don't feel like your only option is to stay in the situation until you attract better behaviour from him - because that may never happen, and it's not necessarily because you're not in alignment with a happy, drama-free relationship. You could be in alignment with that right now, and your feeling of not being willing to put up with William's behaviour any more is clear guidance to get out, so you can find what you're looking for with someone else.

And again - I'm not saying I think you should leave him or that it can't change for the better between you. I just wanted to put across an alternative point of view to that which so often comes up in reply to this kind of question. It really is ok to just physically leave a situation that you don't like. It doesn't always mean that you'll recreate the same thing elsewhere, not if you've done the vibrational work (and that's another thing - it's often a lot easier to do that work & clean up your vibe after leaving a bad situation & distancing yourself from the daily aggravation).

Just wanted to add also - that you CAN have a blissful relationship that you don't have to 'work' at, that you can be 100% yourself in, & that's drama-free (which is not to say there aren't disagreements - but arguments don't have to devolve into personal insults & attacks). Mine is like that - I'm not saying that to brag (in fact, I give my husband all the credit, because I'm probably not the easiest person to live with lol). But you dont have to compromise or put up with the kind of behaviour you've described here, or anything that's less than what you really want - it's not 'normal', even though so many relationships seem to be that way - 'fairytale' relationships DO exist, and you can have that if you want, whether it ends up being with William, or someone else :heart:

[Chamber]

I on the other hand AM a relationship expert...

Simply tell him that you love him....but if he gives you anymore lip you'll rack him in nuts with a small kitchen appliance while he's sleeping.

If that doesn't fix it right up then I'm at a loss.....you'll have to call Dr. Phil.

[Sapphire]

:facelol: @ Chamber

I'd like me some of that...

Well, if I can manifest that, anyone can - I've always been useless with relationships & was single (& not especially liking it) for years before meeting my husband. Still not sure how I managed to attract him, but I'm not complaining :grin:

[Nightprincessa]

Tai - I don't want to give advice because I'm certainly no relationship expert, but just want to say that it concerns me sometimes when I read relationship (or job-related etc) threads on LoA-related forums & so often people say, in effect, you shouldn't walk away from an unhappy situation...


I so agree with this. Why continue to torture yourself in a situation where you are clearly totally unhappy and miserable? Is it because we are supposed to learn something from it?... Well, what we are supposed to learn from it is that this kind of situation is not what we want for our life... is as simple as that. Why complicate it by trying to find a deeper hidden meaning when life is simple and easy and it is us who complicate it? When you stay in a completely miserable situation and you know you can easily get out of it by just walking out of it, but you don't, it is a form of masochism and not loving yourself but instead punishing yourself.

With that being said, I am not saying you should end your relationship Tai. I am merely saying this as a general statement to anyone who finds themselves in a place where they are utterly miserable and think they have to stay there because they MUST... like, they feel guilty if they love themselves enough to remove themselves from a particular situation that is causing pain - how can you expect someone else to love you and value you if you can not value and love yourself!?

Again, this is a general statement and not directed specifically at Tai. Also, it is only my perspective. :heart:

[Tai]

Sapphire and Tika, I like your perspectives. And I was actually saying to myself, that indeed, the fact that we keep on arguing about this, is BECAUSE we are not a match anymore.
The whole thing about it not feeling good when he treats me like that, is because it doesn't match with me.

As I already said, yesterday he told me he missed the intimacy we used to have. And it just hurt me to hear that, because I knew this would happen.
With him working all the time, of course we are gonna lose our bond.

I seem to have gotten over my anger. I just can't stay mad for long. But what I feel now, is some sort of loss, and I just can creak down in tears. I don't want that. When he told me he misses the intimacy, it made me so sad. I knew this would happen, because he stopped paying attention to us because of his stupid work. And now it feels as if we live together alone.
I see him, trying to do his best, telling me he is so happy with me, but I just don't know what to do now. I guess I just have to chill out a bit.

What I told him yesterday, I meant it. I told him that I would never accept such behavior from him ever again. And next time I am walking.
What he wants now, is to grow towards each other again, spending more time together, meditating together again. And I just don't know if I want this still. I've fought for this for so long. I tried to be more together for so long, but he choose his work every night. And now I don't know if it's too late or not. I do love him, but this whole thing gave me some more clarity on what our relationship is exactly, and it's not the one I want.
So, can we change or not? I think time will tell..
I just keep my distance, not because I want to, but I can't seem to do something else.

[Chamber]

You are a match...otherwise you wouldn't still be together.

There's a difference between being mean back at someone because you feel hurt by them....and simply standing up for yourself.

Seriously, if you took your anger at him....anger for being talked down to and treated like a verbal doormat....and channeled that anger back at him.

If you said "I love you...but I'm not a doormat. I'm not your verbal punching bag when you feel pissy. If you don't like the way I am or the way I act...then fuck off. Other wise keep your mouth shut because I don't wanna hear it. "

Stop ignoring what's going on and ENGAGE the situation.

You only feel hurt because there is a small part inside you that thinks the things he said might actually be true.

So take your anger at all that...and USE it...CONSTRUCTIVELY.

"Oh really Vic? I'm this way and that way you say? Well then you're an even bigger idiot for wanting to be with someone who is all those ways."

Stand up for yourself goddammit!

Don't turn your back on contrast...look contrast right in the eye and give it the finger! Then laugh at it!

Honestly, I think he just wants you to stand up for yourself and tell him to fuck off.

He'll respect you a hell of a lot more. Because I have a hunch he wants you to show him that you are not all those things he accuses you of being. I also think you want to prove that to yourself as well.

[Tai]

Chris, I know I should stand up for myself more. That's something I've always wanted to learn more. But when I finally do it, like in our talk, all I can do is express my anger and just act like a devil as well. You know, I can't just really stand up for myself, stand in my own power, and like feel secure when I tell him off. I mean, I know it's starting to sound a bit unbelievable when I keep saying 'next time I will walk' because I never do! And he knows that as well.
The thing is, that when we are in a moment where I insults me, I feel like I'm being knocked out of my feeling good, and I am too surprised or something to act on point. I just wait til it's over, and after that I think of the things I should've said.

Leah, I know. Next time is something I've said 10472 times. I never really did it, at least, not for longer than a few days. But I feel that a lot of William's good sides are still a match to me, and walking away doesn't feel right.
Then the next time he acts like a moron, I KNOW it will feel right to walk away again. And then, the next time it's all cozy, I KNOW it won't feel right again.

Bethie, thanks so much :love::love: I love you too.

[thesweetnow]

Okay, Tai and Leah....I'm going to put out there why we are in the relationships we are in. Why we stay...

we are truly afraid to be alone
we don't have the balls to live the full, passionate, exquisite LOVE that others do
we don't want to hurt the man
we don't want to be hurt
we've got some mixed up ideas on what a loving relationship looks like
we don't trust ourselves to allow in all we've desired
we don't trust the Universe to deliver
we don't feel worthy
we've gotten comfortable in the pain and can't see beyond the day to day
we've gotten so used to not speaking our truth/our needs - gotten so used to being silent
we know this man loves us and it would be so hurtful to reject him on any level (which is really about being rejected ourselves)
our man is in pain, and surely our love can help him love himself and save him...right?!

maybe you guys can add to this list or disagree with it. Either way, let's get real.

***
I've been with someone for 8 years who blamed me for all his angst and hurt.
Who felt like my 'tether' to sanity.
Who I shared a physical passion like I hadn't in over 20 years.
Who was insecure.
Who was angry.
Who was hurt.
Who turned himself inside out to love me.
Who treated me better (and the flipside - worse) than any man had.
Who I knew I didn't have enough in common with.
Who I couldn't leave.
We had a year of his not picking on me - and then I got pregnant.
***

We moved into a house. We made a little family. He was walking imprisoned misery. I wanted to kill myself - post partum depression - found therapy and turned back to Abraham and immersed myself in it.
Thought by thought I talked myself out of that depression. Hour by hour I caught myself and my neg thoughts and pivoted to better feeling thoughts. I sat in silence as he would every few months dump his angst on me.
It was the fight of my life and that was that nothing IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY FEELING GOOD.
I decided that I need to be where I am (not bringing $$ in, raising little man in joy and lightheartedness as much as I can) and that even if he and I part ways some day, we can still be fantastic parents.

Then, a friendship with a guy from grade school exploded into deep love.

I felt INCREDIBLE! I was awakened. I am so worthy of everything. Everything!!

Now that guy I fell in love (who pulled me in and pushed me away for weeks and now I'm free of that but a deep fondness remains) with - well that shook up everything on the home front and now my days are......
without the BIG LOVE,
but with my partner who is trying to be happy. (hard to put this succinctly). And I'm trying to focus on being good to him.

My point -
Tai do whatever you want. I just recommend finding yourself, loving yourself, regardless of your man's pain. I did have a big freak out with my guy and tell him I won't listen to ANYTHING more where he's dumping on me. I mean, seriously, give a shit about yourself and say STOP. And don't sink to any unenlightened levels and snot back at him. You know too much now.
Would you consider doing a book of positive aspects about you yummy you - on this thread.
I, for one, would really love to read it.

Life, what a trip sometimes, eh? :shock:

:cool: Sassy Sunshine chick

The thing is I've changed.

[Dance of Joy]

Tai,

I love you. You are coming to love you, too, which is why you posted this thread. :grin: That is a beautiful thing. Keep on with that, and one day, you will know the answer to your question. It will be perfectly clear.

I believe in you.

:heart: Christine

[Flo]

I believe that the most loving thing I can do for another is to stay in Love, stay connected to Love/Source/PPE/Consciousness and let nothing, noone be the cause or excuse for feeling the pain of my own disconnection.

It is possible to walk away in love. It is possible to not slide down the death spiral with your lover.

It is possible to calmly and confidently say that I know the best thing I can do for this relationship is stay happy, to protect my good feelings, to feel good.....what good is it to have two people in the pit of despair?

And the calmer and more confident and more logical and more emotionally detached from their drama, the more power you have........ and the more power you have, the more it scares the shit out of them.:facelol:

:heart:Flo

[Joy1975]

This is a typical past life issue coming up. You remove it and you can walk away. You don't remove it and you keep experiencing the same stuff over and over and over again.

It's really all very simple... XD (says the relationship expert who has been single for most of the past 34 years...)

[thesweetnow]

And the calmer and more confident and more logical and more emotionally detached from their drama, the more power you have........ and the more power you have, the more it scares the shit out of them.:facelol:

:heart:Flo


Flo, yep to the above. Very, very true.

All I know, is I love gathering my own sweet sense of power. No more dramz. No more attracting dramaaaaaaaaah.
I love feeling excitement and enthusiasm, but I gotta find another way besides going 'round and 'round with a man. :p

[Tai]

Since you guys are my family, I'm gonna be honest with you and just tell you what I feel right now, and how I got there.
Feel free to skip this post, since it's long and maybe not so exciting :grin:

So, I read Sierra's post saying:
Stop arguing for your limitations.

Amen. :love:


And it did something to me. I didn't know exactly what, that's why I didn't reply to it. I went to work, and the sentence kept popping up in my head, followed by some mumbling in my head. And after a while, the mumbling got clearer, and I could define more of my thoughts. Where it came down to was this.

*warning* arguing for limitations coming! :facelol:

I've always felt the need for love. I grew up with my mother, who did her best, but was very occupied with things in her life, and couldn't always give me what I needed as a child. But whenever I was sad, she was there. And whenever I had pain, she was there. And when I was in trouble, she was there.
When I was 14, I started to develop all kinds of physical pains and uneasiness. I went through lots of doctor's examines, which concluded I had Pfeiffer (kissing disease). But after months of rest, the symptoms didn't leave, or even got less.
So I just waited for it to pass. I couldn't go to school, couldn't do anything really, until after almost a year I was feeling better and better. Funnily enough around the same time I started to go outside again ( I was sick of only staying in and rest)

Since that time, I've had a lot of periods where I had physical issues. They weren't 'serious' but always very annoying, with some examines that weren't fun. All the symptoms were related to diseases caused by stress.

After that, I struggles for years with hypochondria, which isn't really over until this day.

--> Later on I realized (I think I started to see this when I got into Abe) that being sick was the only way I could get my mum's (and in my head, everyone else's) attention.

In my life I've always been a very dramatic person. I would not stop feeling sad when someone else would. I would just stay to the negative emotion, preferably the feeling of feeling sorry for myself. Because I knew that would somehow get me the attention that I needed.

In fact all this time I was just trying to get something done by doing something that wasn't good for me. I was telling everyone how sick/sad whatever was, just to get some attention.
The comment of Sierra made me realize that, even though I don't even know if she meant it that way :facelol: (like convincing other you are REALLY sad, when it's not even a good thing. Why would I want to convince anyone of that?)

Anyway, to make a long story even longer, I thought I was over that, but Sierra's comment made me see that I'm not. Because I AM arguing for my own limitations with this whole thread, and this whole attitude.
There is no way I think I deserve being treated like shit, and everything in my being feels that I am worthy of defending myself when I am treated that way.
But, some part of me just kinda sticks to the drama. Some part of me WANTS to be the victim in this situation, so that I can feel sorry for myself. I think somehow I learned to link drama with love. When I go through drama, I deserve pity (= love) I don't want to put everything on my mum or anything, I love her very much, but it is something in my family that just comforts you when you're down, and when all is well, you kinda get forgotten or something.

So, arguing for my limitations in this thread,actually is a way of not wanting to give up my role of victim. And acting like I can't stand up to myself is the same thing.

But it IS a limitation. I am not happy being a victim. I am only trying to fill my emptiness with it. So right here, right now, I'm gonna do that, but in an efficient way. No way will I fuck up my life with feeling sorry for myself, and keep attracting situations that confirm that.

I just see that William is a puppet in my own personal drama. I created this shit to see this. I have to stop with creating drama, just to get some attention. Whatever actions William takes, whatever jerk he is, I attract it and that's what matters to me. If I weren't vibing something similar, it wouldn't be in my experience at all.
I'm not saying I should stay in this situation, just because it is my creation. I don't know what action I want to take regarding that, other than that I want to become a magnet to something much better. I just know that whatever I do, I really have to stop focusing on shit and start focusing on appreciation.

Like now, I have the choice to delve into this deeper, and heal it or whatever, like I 'used' to do. But what I want now, is to let it go. I send love to it and let it go. I no longer am gonna argue for my limitations, explaining why I deserve to feel this way.
I only did this arguing now, to explain to you the clarity I got, once again, from you all, and how I adore you for it. And now I'm gonna focus on what I do want.

I am not obligated to anything or anyone, I can focus on what I want. People can grow with me, or not, I am choosing for me.

Love you all.
And a special thanks to Sierra :love:

[thesweetnow]

:joylick:

Loved reading this post, Tai.
The clarity is wonderful.
I didn't see any arguing for limitations, just some brilliant self-realizations and self-awareness.

You go, girl.

Me too. You are a great example - I want to go, go, go to. ...and I mean get awesome self-awareness and more and more clarity.
It feels so good to go there!

Love and appreciation to youuuuuuuu!
:heart:thesweetnow

[thesweetnow]

Harmony or Cacophony?

You have more harmony points with every person on the planet than you have disharmony points, because there is much more of you that is in harmony with your Core than you realize or that most of you allow. The closer you come to being in harmony with your Source Energy, the more in harmony you are with each other. When you think about other people and what they think of you, do you understand that what they think of you has very little to do with what you are? It has mostly to do with the habits of thought that they have developed. It has more to do with them as thinkers than it does with you as the subject of their thought. If nothing is more important to you than that you feel good, you can form a fantasy about someone who is in your life and they will begin to modify to meet your fantasy, because Law of Attraction is a very powerful thing. When you decide that you want to feel good, and you reach for the vibration that feels good to you and you establish that as your Tone, either the people around you will be uplifted to join you in that vibration or, if their vibration is already very well chosen otherwise, they will clatter right out of your experience. But what happens to most of you is, while they are clattering out of your experience, you notice they're clattering. You begin to clatter too, and then they clatter right back into your experience, and you clatter together miserably and continually.

Excerpted from the workshop in Asheville, NC, on Saturday, September 5th, 1998

[LOALola]

I've had harmony in all of my "love lives" and only one clatterer. I promise you, the clatterer is much harder to forget because they pull you so far upstream. I won't ever clatter again!

Thanks for the post, The Sweet Now!

:heart:

LOA Lola

[Tai]

Every moment I start to think about what I want, I get excited. Then I think of my now, living TOGETHER ALONE with him, and I get this knot in my stomach. I feel guilty. And then I realize, it is HIS creation!
I told him for so long to SEE me! I told him for so long to appreciate our bond, our relationship more, and stop taking it for granted. I tried to explain to him in every possible way that getting too caught up in his job and forgetting us, would lead to us growing apart. I made up so many things to do together, and he lost his interest after one day. I stayed loving towards him, I kept having a lot of interest in him, I was sweet to him, I tried to stay connected to him so badly, even though he showed no interest in me whatsoever. He just didn't take any effort to do the same, and kept his eyes on his computer, to work work work.
And the moment I stopped doing anything, this happens. The growing apart. And now I feel guilty???!!! WHATEVER! I KNEW this would happen! I wanted him for so long. I gave him so many chances to change this together, I made up so many ways to be more together in a loving way.
And when he just didn't stop focusing only on his job, it was just natural for us to grow apart.
This is the Law Of Attraction. I tried to deny it, to stop this law from working. No wonder I am so tired. I fought a lost cause. AND I GIVE UP.
It doesn't feel good, because I miss him. But I know this is a feeling I will get over. And you know, it feels so much better than feeling so alone in my trying to make something better. I just give up and live for me. I see what is right in front of me. We have nothing together anymore.
I don't take action, only vibrationally. I accept this and I let my feelings be.
I don't have to feel guilty. This is the natural way for things to go. Ignore things and they'll go away. Maybe he will grow from this lesson as well.
I decide I will no longer feel guilty when I get happy inside thinking of a new life. Because I always said my life with him is what I want, but when he clearly shows me he doesn't care, because his job is more important, then it is normal for me to choose something else.

I still have some vibrational work to do, but I can feel that there are changes waiting to happen. I feel it so strong it almost makes me afraid. But I know I can trust in me. I know I have grown so so much from this experience. I now know:
NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT I FEEL GOOD!

[Dance of Joy]

Excellent reflections, Tai! I can see and feel that you are on your way to what you desire.

Toss the guilt out. The reason it feels so bad is that Source NEVER judges anything you do or anything you choose. Tai, my love, you deserve sweet love, just as you give. You deserve freedom to be you. You deserve adoring you. And you deserve someone who adores you as we do. :heart::heart::heart:

Love and hugs,
Christine

[vineyardnancy]

:joylick:Wow! ..:joylick:...this is really eye opening..
..explains my experience beautifully...and you can bettcha bootie that I'm going to be one freaking amazing
"clatter ignoring master" from here onward. :joylick:
:heart::heart::heart: But what happens to most of you is, while they are clattering out of your experience, you notice they're clattering. You begin to clatter too, and then they clatter right back into your experience, and you clatter together miserably and continually.

[vineyardnancy]

Ohhh Tai!
I can feel that there are changes waiting to happen.
~~yes, yes YES!!
What a beautiful soul you are ~~ and the things that are waiting for you will match you so spectacularily ~~
http://www.jcsdesignz.com/import/graphics/A-note/Beautiful-Dreamer-Note.jpg
Dream on sweet one:heart:

[ShelleP]

Every moment I start to think about what I want, I get excited.
<...>
AND I GIVE UP.
<...>
I just give up and live for me.
<...>
I accept this and I let my feelings be.
<...>
I decide I will no longer feel guilty when I get happy inside thinking of a new life.
<...>
I now know:
NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT I FEEL GOOD!


Dear beautiful Tai - so many beautiful moments in my life follow this exact giving up spot for me - when I can truly let go with the I GIVE UP, THERE IS NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN I FEEL GOOD - wow, the freedom, the love, the joy, the pure bliss...it is right there for you.

Mwah! :heart: Shelle

[Tai]

Hi guys.
Two days ago we had a good talk, and we both think it's best to at least take a break.
I told him what I want, he told me what he wants. Both very different things, which will probably cause us to break up for real. But it really didn't, and still doesn't feel good, to make such a decision and to leave this house now. First I want to 'fix' my vibration and make decisions from a better feeling place.

So yesterday I went out to dinner with friends, and tomorrow I'm going to a party with a girlfriend. I'm just gonna get happy, and the rest doesn't matter right now.

Thanks for all your help!

Love :heart:

[Dance of Joy]

Yay, Tai. You are right to do what feels right to you. Feel better, then take action.

YOU ROCK.

Have the best weekend ever. I love you. :love:

[Tai]

Ah sweetheart, you know I love you! :heart:

[cigi]

Yay Tai, babe. You know I'm pullin' for ya.:heart:

[Flo]

Tai,

Just wondering if abe's new book on relationships might be synchronistic for you....I know I would take it as a sign if I were in your physical shoes....a relationship snag and the Universe delivers a book about relationships in perfect divine timing.

You are the center of the Universe afterall!

Flo

[Gina]

I'm just gonna get happy, and the rest doesn't matter right now.

Perfect. Love you! :heart: :namaste:

[Tai]

Cigi :kiss5: :heart:
Flo, to be honest, I haven't felt a connection with the Abe teachings for very long.
But I bought a book on enneagrams yesterday. I already have some books about that, but this just is much better. And in the first chapter was already a lot described which was perfect for me.
But, right now I don't want to focus anymore on the relationship shit, I just want to be happy.
But thanks for the tip anyway :love:

[Tai]

Gina, I love you too! :heart:

[Flo]

Tai,

ooops....didn't realize you are not that into abe.
I was once very into the Ennegram. I'm a 4....what are you?

Flo

[Tai]

Thanks dear Beth :love:
Flo, I am a 6, but the last time I read about it (a few days ago) I didn't feel the recognition I used to feel with this type. I know 'they' say you can't change from number, but I think it's all personal, I mean, one moment in your life you can feel more like a 3, the other time like a 5 you know.
I do love the number 4, very romantic right?

Asemaa, it's not that I'm all into enneagrams now or anything. I decided a long time ago that I never will be 'into' anything ever again, because I feel it limits me. You know, for me not one teaching or something like that ever gave me a complete picture, not even Abe. I just take from everything I read or hear or experience.
What I mean by not being into Abe anymore (and this is my personal opinion, so I hope no one will attack me haha) is that I don't feel Esther being so purely Abraham anymore. I still love what Abraham says, but I don't feel it's the whole truth, not for me at least, and I just don't feel it is as pure as it used to be. But again, this is my opinion.
I love what you wrote about relief. Very helpful.
:heart:

[Dance of Joy]

Asemaa, I enjoy reading what you share. When I saw Abraham for the first time, I was overwhelmed by the Love coming through. I knew that being at that workshop was going to change my life, and it did. I love, too, that I am now up to speed with that Love. YAY.

Love,
Christine

[Gina]

You, Gina and I are in the same place, Tai dear. You have given words to my feelings.

Oh, wow. Yeah... Wow. :namaste:

[sara]

:heart: TRACY :heart: AND :heart:ASEMAA :heart:,

THANK YOU SOO MUCH!!

I was wanting to visit Abe for just the experience that you have expressed!! ....but recently had thought that maybe it did not exist and so I was giving up my desire...You have now re-excited me about going to a workshop!!

I appreciate you !!! :heart::grin: :heart:

[sara]

Hey, Look what I found! All of us being happy together :heart:


Thanks for this pic GORGEOUS :heart:izzy :heart:!!
I have never seen this one!!
...yes all look happy !:)
I MISS ANTONIO..Anyone heard form him lately???

[sara]

From my perspective, I think that trying to figure out "why" is useless. relief, but I don't aim for greatness. It's too hard.
...it takes practice. ...your life, but it's an ongoing process. The process gets easier, but it never ends.

Remember, always do your vibrational work first. Life gets easier and more fun when you approach it that way.

Good words for me too Izzy!!! Thanks!!!:heart::grin::heart:

[sara]

Really. If the BOPA and the focus wheel won't work, the "fuck us" wheel is better.

Oh GREAT ADAL, THAT I ADORE...
DO ENLIGHTEN ME...
WHAT IS THE FUCK US WHEEL???
WHAT PAGE IS THAT ON IN ASK AND IT IS GIVEN??:o:heart:
roflroflroflroflroflroflrofl:facelol::facelol::D:f acelol::facelol::facelol::joylick::joylick::joylic k::joylick::joylick::joylick::joylick:

[sara]

You are a match...otherwise you wouldn't still be together.

There's a difference between being mean back at someone because you feel hurt by them....and simply standing up for yourself....

Stand up for yourself goddammit! ...

Don't turn your back on contrast...look contrast right in the eye and give it the finger! Then laugh at it!...

Honestly, I think he just wants you to stand up for yourself ...
He'll respect you a hell of a lot more....I also think you want to prove that to yourself as well.

WOW, :heart:CHAMBER :heart:WHAT A LOVING COMMENT AND FULL OF WISDOM TOO!!!
I APPRECIATE YOU!!

[sara]

I believe that the most loving thing I can do for another is to stay in Love, stay connected to Love/Source/...
And the calmer and more confident ...and more emotionally detached from their drama, the more power you have........ and the more power you have, the more it scares the shit out of them.:facelol::heart:Flo

COOL COMMENT FILLED WITH WISDOM :heart:FLO:heart:!!!!

[sara]

Harmony or Cacophony?

...When you decide that you want to feel good, and you reach for the vibration that feels good to you and you establish that as your Tone, either the people around you will be uplifted to join you in that vibration or, if their vibration is already very well chosen otherwise, they will clatter right out of your experience. But what happens to most of you is, while they are clattering out of your experience, you notice they're clattering. You begin to clatter too, and then they clatter right back into your experience, and you clatter together miserably and continually.

Excerpted from the workshop in Asheville, NC, on Saturday, September 5th, 1998

WOW...I NEEDED TO READ THAT.....THANK YOU :heart:THESWEETNOW :heart:!!...
I am just now getting to this thread..I am just needing it it seems:) or iI would not have read it tonight:) :heart: :grin::heart:

[sara]

Every moment I start to think about what I want, I get excited. ..
NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT I FEEL GOOD!


Dear :heart: Tai :heart:,

I remember similar discussions from you in time past....

None of us are wearing your shoes...so we really can not know exactly what you are expereincing or what is for your best to do...You are the only one who knows what is best for you.
I trust the Source within you to lead you to your bliss/feeling better.

Do you think that some meds (like for bi polar condition or depression) would help your guy??...Maybe you could mix some in his food...HAhahhahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :facelol::heart::joylick::heart::D :heart:

Big hugs to you my dear beautiful Goddess!!!
Nancy-Louise:kiss:

[Chamber]

Asemaa, it's not that I'm all into enneagrams now or anything. I decided a long time ago that I never will be 'into' anything ever again, because I feel it limits me. You know, for me not one teaching or something like that ever gave me a complete picture, not even Abe. I just take from everything I read or hear or experience.
What I mean by not being into Abe anymore (and this is my personal opinion, so I hope no one will attack me haha) is that I don't feel Esther being so purely Abraham anymore. I still love what Abraham says, but I don't feel it's the whole truth, not for me at least, and I just don't feel it is as pure as it used to be. But again, this is my opinion.
I love what you wrote about relief. Very helpful.
:heart:


Exactly....it's all about soaking up ALL things available in the information field and putting your own personal puzzle pieces together.

You gotta paint your own picture. Not just memorize buzzwords and catchphrases from this teacher or that speaker then simply regurgitate it all out when someone asks you what you believe...or when you want results.

You gotta be your own guru dammit. Invent your own brand of magik.

[Flo]

Tracy and asemaa,

Thanks for your thoughts here....I deeply appreciate them. :namaste:W*O*W! W*O*W! W*O*W! Love the knowing. There are so many thoughts I could highlight...brilliant, delicious, abe-mazing.

:heart::love::heart::love::heart:
Flo