I'm at an interesting point of contrast...

[Zesty]

So I'm posting here to clear my thoughts a little... You could say at this point in my life.. I feel quite "emo" heh rofl

I just graduated from college and now I'm here for the summer until my lease ends in September. This town is dead except for drinking at bars, which I find is good in small amounts but in larger amounts makes me much worse off.

I have 2 jobs, but I also have a LOT of free time...

Also, I have learned a WHOLE lot about relationships in the last 2 short ones that I've had in the last 2 or 3 months. Up until now I have been supremely good at 'manipulation' and getting girls into my bed, but there was the fear and 'cover-up' of my low self-worth, that just ME wasn't good enough in the long run... in a relationship... so that was covered up by me not calling them again or having to go out and drink to have a good time... or being afraid to just have them come over and hang out.

I met this insanely awesome girl, she manifested into my experience (which is also funny to note how cooler and cooler people come into my reality the better I get at this). She was leaving for the summer 10 days after I first hung out with her, and we clicked right away. During those 10 days we hung out almost every day and I learned a LOT about myself, I'm appreciating that. I started to SEE how my 'on' and 'off' days of high/low self-worth affect peoples reactions that I attract. I noticed on ON days I talked to her about amazing things, gave value, kept the positive vibe, smiled, appreciated her. I found on my off days I was more silent than anything, and she could start to pick up on my negative vibe that I was trying to hide. We did however end on an awesome note and if me hanging out with her again when she comes back is what happens, so be it :mrgreen: If not, then I am completely appreciating the things she helped me see, and I look forward to future interactions over the summer and beyond.

That is the first part.

The second part is my free time. I have 2 jobs, neither of which REALLY excite me, although they are pretty cool.

In general I am at a place of contrast where I DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT. I am apathetic and low energy. I feel heavy and just want to sleep.
I have lots and lots of free time, literally hours. My good friends have moved away, and when I'm not working I have so much free time that I often just spend it apathetically refreshing websites like abetalk or my email. When I don't do that I might just pace around the room or sleep. When I sit back in my bed and envision what I want, I really am not sure. It feels weird having graduated with no plans. I can feel good for 'spurts' of time, maybe minutes or an hour, but that momentum very quickly runs out when I realize I have another 5 hours until bed time and I'm sort of 'trapped' in the box of my room in an empty town.

I know I want to move to LA soon, but really I don't have the emotional leverage to really find what I want because every day so far seems the same. I think this is the collective emotions of this girl leaving, graduating, having tons of free time and having to remake friends that left.

SO --

I'm setting the intentions here in this thread that

I want to know more of what I want
I want to feel joy and appreciation of every moment, knowing it is exactly what I need to get to what lies ahead.
I want to meet truly amazing people over the summer that will help me grow and learn to appreciate more.
I want to come across opportunities, situations, people, circumstances which will PROPEL me into the lifestyle which is quick paced, full of abundance of money and prosperity
And at the same time...

I want to be able to truly appreciate every moment, even if it's 'slow' or nothing is happening -- for every realization I make, I will ALWAYS end up back here and now... I will be here and now for all eternity, so I might as well be able to fully APPRECIATE here and now :) (I love bashar)

I want to feel a skyrocket of self-worth, that lightness in my step which I have experienced many times before, which makes every moment glow and glisten, with full power to create.

I want all these desires to come to me through every crack of positive source energy that flows through me, and I desire to be fully allowing of these situations completely knowing the universe will take care of everything, fear and all.

Cool :heart:

[cigi]

Hey Zesty-

Maybe you are supposed to have some down-time after a big accomplishment. (congats on graduating :clap: ) Maybe you should just slow-down & appreciate where you are. Appreciate your free time. Be LAZY!!

On the other hand:
You said you want to move to LA, so you do know 1 thing you want. If you were to take some of this newly found free time to explore that possibility, you might snap out of your apathy & get excited for that aspect of your future.

Just a thought.....

[Stewart]

Hi Zesty,

I'm IN LA, so let me be the first to welcome the future you to this wonderful city. Yes, you will soon enjoy the sweet smell of magnolia that permeates much of this city. And the fresh ocean breezes from Santa Monica to Malibu.

If you can, use your free time to envision this move, this new exciting time in your life -- visualize it to the fullest. And take pleasure in THAT. Because everything we want -- truly -- is because in the having of it we think we'll feel better. (It lasts, like Abe says, about a minute. LOL) But the imagery will produce the same feeling if you really get into it. And isn't it the feeling we're after?

I sold a movie to Disney this way, believe it or not. I became so enthralled with my vision, and of FEELING it, that the universe moved heaven and earth and aligned the situation. Boy, was that a miracle! I was more excited by the process than anything else.

So focus and focus some more and feel and visualize... and soon enough the you of now will catch up to the you who's unpacking in that beautiful apartment in the perfect area of town.

Stewart

[Zesty]

wow.. thanks ssj

What an awesome day.....

I wrote this, at work, feeling heavier then lead. I was presented with the opportunity to leave work early.

I came home and started reading bashar quotes, when i saw something mentioned about 3rd and 4th densities. I started getting really far into that and it's totally got me thinking.... about the big picture. I have super awareness now about it flowing into me.. a smile grows across my face knowing ALL is well. infusing this into each cell of my being.

one thing i have a question on, which was a peculiar thought you brought up. i have experienced this before, that the feeling of visualizing is just as good as having it... but on the flipside I find a feeling of not really desiring because I know the second i get it.... it will last a second. im back at square one!

No matter what I desire, in my mind.. i somehow always end up right back now, knowing that *really* is all that matters, separate from whatever else i really 'want' in my mind.

knowing this its not exactly easy for me to continue visualizing what feels good, cause that feeling good is negated by the fact that I know its all an illusion, and the second i DO get it.. that feeling good will transform into 'taking-for-granted'

I suppose what THIS now leads to is that there will ALWAYS be desires. So when I DO get whatever such and such I desire, I will simply have new desires. I suppose if its a never ending journey its all good :mrgreen:

then im not quite sure whether to just 'sit' in the now and enjoy it.. or make desires, knowing that when i get them i will take them for granted. do you just go back and forth? I would assume back and forth from which feels best :)

[Patricia b]

Zesty (who is NOT feeling so zesty right now) said:
that feeling good is negated by the fact that I know its all an illusion, and the second i DO get it.. that feeling good will transform into 'taking-for-granted'

Abraham talked a lot about this on the Caribbean Cruise: Extensively, in fact. It is supposed to be that way...Sort of like the joke heard the second time around is not as funny. Or how when Esther got the NEW monster bus, it was not the thrill that getting the first monster bus was...

It is your expansion.
Pat

[cigi]

knowing this its not exactly easy for me to continue visualizing what feels good, cause that feeling good is negated by the fact that I know its all an illusion, and the second i DO get it.. that feeling good will transform into 'taking-for-granted'

I suppose what THIS now leads to is that there will ALWAYS be desires. So when I DO get whatever such and such I desire, I will simply have new desires. I suppose if its a never ending journey its all good :mrgreen:


It's supposed to be that way. If the visualization WASN'T negated by knowing you don't have it, then why would anyone ever try to achieve anything??

You are supposed to move TO & then THROUGH each and every one of your goals/desires. :simple: