boundaries and conditions

[ghanima]

How to set good boundaries without putting conditions?
It seems that this is my lifetime theme, still not thoroughly solved as I end up always "going away" - for 5 min or forever - and that was an improvement from taking in all the shit, how I did before, but it's not enough for me now.

A recent contrast with my bf has suggested me to look into this, a great opportunity before meeting with my mom for Xmas, an initiative I both feel like taking now and not, as I'm not sure i'm ready.

thank you dears :heart:

[ghanima]

hmmm....I just re-read my post, it's full of negatives. Seems that this theme is letting out some tension...
if it bothers you I can re-phrase in a more luminous way :wink2:

[ghanima]

hmm... interesting

but what about children, they are master pivoters and in a way they also segment intend, in the sense that they tend to focus on 'what is next' and have positive expectations about it, yet they take up tons of crap from parents and others. Or at least, I did. Not good enough for effective boundaries.

ps: Alex, you don't need to pat pat me, as I'm not a noob, and besides I don't like it. I felt like telling you this as we don't know each other, and it's the second time you do it, although delicately. :) ok?

[New Dawn Rising]

...but what about children, they are master pivoters and in a way they also segment intend, in the sense that they tend to focus on 'what is next' and have positive expectations about it, yet they take up tons of crap from parents and others. Or at least, I did. Not good enough for effective boundaries.
Good point. Children are open and loving and connected and are natural pivoters and expect the best. So there they are in a little body in a dysfunctional family and they sure do take up tons of crap... exactly cause they have no boundaries and they don't really know who they are (Source Energy in a physical body). Well, they do at some level but it is not with their conscious mind.

So how does LOA work in this scenario? Well, if like-vibration attracts like-vibration it sure seems like an open loving joyful baby would be born into an open loving joyful family. But we all know that's not true. :roll:

How to set good boundaries without putting conditions?
Hmmmm.... (thoughtful-thinking-emoticon). I don't exactly how to answer this - if putting conditions helps you feel better then I say do it. Like: "don't insult me or I'm outta here." But I wonder if the answer you are looking for has more to do with that wall of exclusion you mentioned on another thread. Which is something I'm not really able to comment on.

I do know this - boundaries are an inside job (like everything else)... and if you feel safe and secure inside yourself then you can be in all kinds of difficult situations and feel good. So less putting of conditions would be required.

But I know you know this so maybe I'm not understanding your question - you give no specifics. :wave:

[ghanima]

the question comes from the thread of shari, unconditional love was mentioned (not walling of, as you say) and keeping good boundaries, as two things that go together - and this sounds quite logic to me. But I don't seem to get it really, how it works.

[ghanima]

maybe it's the fact that children don't know/remember who they are, their identity is not yet formed consciously.
So in a way, pivoting is good, but pivoting 'deliberately' is key.
"I choose to pivot to who I am".
If I have a strong feeling of myself, the I Am What I Am, from that center I can be like a child AND inaccessible to anything that is not who I am.
I think I got it!