Zesty
Tue Mar 25 2008, 3:21pm
Hey amigos!
My flow pointed me in the direction of this forum for good times and like-minded vibrating peeps. I heard about it through Alex B, who posts on here also. I have made several desires recently to be more in tune with emotions and what I desire, hence this post.
This looks like an amazingly stellar place. I'll have to get used to the inane amount of smilies everyone uses :clap: :mrgreen:
I'm 22, and I have been aware of LOA for about 1.5 years since I watched The Secret. That movie left a bitter taste in my mouth that didn't feel completely harmonious to my being (appealing too much to popular culture by hyping materialism up, rather than joy), however the overall concept seemed to ring true to my CORE, like somehow I always KNEW it was true. That ecstatic and enigmatic feeling bubbling right beneath the surface that there is 'more to it' and all is well, but in most people is covered up with the ego. I became completely aware and mindful of this feeling, and that lead me on my journey through Abe, Seth, the enlightened bastards who were kicked off PI for being wonderfully in their flow, various books on the topic and most recently vipassana meditation and Holosync.
Over the course of this year or two, I have been able to look back on my journey. I can't see what is ahead, but I can clearly see what was behind me, emerging and standing out like stepping stones that move progressively up. I can see how my thoughts, feelings, awareness, mindfulness, feeling of oneness and generally ability to 'get it' have greatly evolved from the place where I started.
Because I have been in this for quite awhile, I haven't had as many days where I experience AMAZINGLY fucking out-of-this-world flows of source.
I remember immediately after I heard about Abraham (a week or so after I watched the secret and researched LOA online), I was in SUCH a brilliant state of PURE ECSTASY that it felt like my world was a sweet, delicious GLOWING nimbus of color and vibrant energy. I VERY distinctly remember that day because my flow was SO strong, it was probably the best feeling of wholeness and pure brilliance I have ever felt in my life. I felt instantly that I 'got it.' Well, I woke up and hehe... I didn't feel like that anymore and I couldn't understand why. That lead me to a complete breakdown... I felt so bad and it only spiraled farther down as I frantically tried to figure out what was wrong.
Well, 2 years later I have learned much about being in the moment, being non-attached, not identifying with desires or outcomes, not judging or seeing things as 'good' or 'bad.' All these concepts took a while for me to acquire through various sources, and now I feel I have a very strong logical understanding of them, but my challenge lies within my recent 'fizzling out' on my journey.
I have come to a place where I stand now where I simply can't think of any desires really. That sounds weird, but I have very enthusiastically written like 1000 desires out before when my initial ecstatic emotion was at it's strongest during the beginning of my journey. Now-- I know all is well, but I generally feel indifferent. It's obvious I should think of the next thing to feel good about, but lately in the last months I just have a general 'blah' attitude. When I 'look' for things to feel good about, or appreciate, none 'come to mind.' I can try to force it, but that's exactly it... trying and resisting.
For example, when you say "the car is red," that thought has a certain texture, a flavor and a weight. When you're completely in your flow saying "ALL IS WELL AND I FUCKING ROCK!!!" has a very very different texture, flavor and weight.
Well lately, my thoughts of gratitude and appreciation have the same texture, flavor and weight of a thought like "that car is red" or "baseballs are round." It just doesn't involve me emotionally. Because no emotion springs up, no further thoughts pop up, and I'm left with just simple thoughts with no weight that are weak like crisp autumn leaves. These aren't negative thoughts, mind you, just ones of a mild-like apathy. Perhaps it's because I've been in this for a long time and I have tried many different things, many I can think of. On one side of the coin it feels like they may help me move forward, but on the other side of the same coin, it feels like trying to do ANYTHING implies there's a problem, and thus I should do nothing. And yet when I do nothing, well.. I'm just here. Being here is grand, but even when I obsolve into the moment I don't have those amazing days like I did when I first started. Perhaps that is because I have gone round and round with this for months and months, and it's like a catch 22 paradox that I don't know how to get out of. I don't do anything and I just feel bland, desires don't have emotion, but then TRYING to do anything (such as finding things to be grateful for) ends up causing resistance because it's somehow inherently showing there is something 'to be solved.'
I do have my good days where I will be more in tune with flow, and I'll actually feel very enthusiastic and AWESOME. These happen maybe a few times a week. Mixed in are just as many days where I feel like how I described above... knowing that I can feel SO MUCH MORE, but for some reason not being there. The answer is quite obvious, what ideally I would do. Do what feels good... and be in the moment, but I find that with an idle mind I have a lot of random noise that doesn't aid in anything, and 'trying' to detach from it generally goes WELL for ... an hour, before I'm back to my same 'self' again.
It's like I have tried making a vision board numerous times, and every time the next day I'm back at square one where I don't really care anymore.
This is kind of rambling, hehe.. This is oh so tricky to explain because of it's innately paradoxical nature :mrgreen:
Basically my desire is to get to a place where 99% of my thoughts and feelings have INCREDIBLE weight, texture, and FLAVOR. Delicious positive, glorious flavor which just beams with positivity and good feelings. I feel like a mind like that could just FLOW OVER any possible negative thought that comes in. Creative power would be extremely POTENT and powerful. Creativity would flow so effortlessly... When I read abraham I FEEL like that, those words come across the page with such vivacity and power.
20 minutes after I put the book down, or 20 minutes after i write down 50 things I appreciate... I'm back to this... my mind seems to have lots of idle random thoughts and no weight... not enough to get the snowball rolling.
Everytime i get the snowball started to roll down the hill to get bigger, the sun comes out, and then it melts. after all the snow is melted... is snows again, and i have to start to reroll a snowball into something big... then the sun comes out before it rolls down the hill. etc. hehe
When I envision the person who has really gotten to a place of FEELING GOOD much of the time, like esther or a CEO of a good corporation (maybe they don't know of LOA, but they are very aware of the way thoughts affect them, and they always have very disciplined minds), I see them as having that awesome mindset. I can't seem to 'allow in' this mindset though because allowing is just PASSIVE. But when I set forth to consciously THINK and APPRECIATE, to be ACTIVE in developing this mindset, this 'thinking' and 'trying' tends to just cause resistance rather than moving towards that FLOWING mindset that is ALWAYS aware and mindful and ENJOYING that I oh so so desire.
How do I get THERE.
With love and threesomes :dance: :mrgreen:
My flow pointed me in the direction of this forum for good times and like-minded vibrating peeps. I heard about it through Alex B, who posts on here also. I have made several desires recently to be more in tune with emotions and what I desire, hence this post.
This looks like an amazingly stellar place. I'll have to get used to the inane amount of smilies everyone uses :clap: :mrgreen:
I'm 22, and I have been aware of LOA for about 1.5 years since I watched The Secret. That movie left a bitter taste in my mouth that didn't feel completely harmonious to my being (appealing too much to popular culture by hyping materialism up, rather than joy), however the overall concept seemed to ring true to my CORE, like somehow I always KNEW it was true. That ecstatic and enigmatic feeling bubbling right beneath the surface that there is 'more to it' and all is well, but in most people is covered up with the ego. I became completely aware and mindful of this feeling, and that lead me on my journey through Abe, Seth, the enlightened bastards who were kicked off PI for being wonderfully in their flow, various books on the topic and most recently vipassana meditation and Holosync.
Over the course of this year or two, I have been able to look back on my journey. I can't see what is ahead, but I can clearly see what was behind me, emerging and standing out like stepping stones that move progressively up. I can see how my thoughts, feelings, awareness, mindfulness, feeling of oneness and generally ability to 'get it' have greatly evolved from the place where I started.
Because I have been in this for quite awhile, I haven't had as many days where I experience AMAZINGLY fucking out-of-this-world flows of source.
I remember immediately after I heard about Abraham (a week or so after I watched the secret and researched LOA online), I was in SUCH a brilliant state of PURE ECSTASY that it felt like my world was a sweet, delicious GLOWING nimbus of color and vibrant energy. I VERY distinctly remember that day because my flow was SO strong, it was probably the best feeling of wholeness and pure brilliance I have ever felt in my life. I felt instantly that I 'got it.' Well, I woke up and hehe... I didn't feel like that anymore and I couldn't understand why. That lead me to a complete breakdown... I felt so bad and it only spiraled farther down as I frantically tried to figure out what was wrong.
Well, 2 years later I have learned much about being in the moment, being non-attached, not identifying with desires or outcomes, not judging or seeing things as 'good' or 'bad.' All these concepts took a while for me to acquire through various sources, and now I feel I have a very strong logical understanding of them, but my challenge lies within my recent 'fizzling out' on my journey.
I have come to a place where I stand now where I simply can't think of any desires really. That sounds weird, but I have very enthusiastically written like 1000 desires out before when my initial ecstatic emotion was at it's strongest during the beginning of my journey. Now-- I know all is well, but I generally feel indifferent. It's obvious I should think of the next thing to feel good about, but lately in the last months I just have a general 'blah' attitude. When I 'look' for things to feel good about, or appreciate, none 'come to mind.' I can try to force it, but that's exactly it... trying and resisting.
For example, when you say "the car is red," that thought has a certain texture, a flavor and a weight. When you're completely in your flow saying "ALL IS WELL AND I FUCKING ROCK!!!" has a very very different texture, flavor and weight.
Well lately, my thoughts of gratitude and appreciation have the same texture, flavor and weight of a thought like "that car is red" or "baseballs are round." It just doesn't involve me emotionally. Because no emotion springs up, no further thoughts pop up, and I'm left with just simple thoughts with no weight that are weak like crisp autumn leaves. These aren't negative thoughts, mind you, just ones of a mild-like apathy. Perhaps it's because I've been in this for a long time and I have tried many different things, many I can think of. On one side of the coin it feels like they may help me move forward, but on the other side of the same coin, it feels like trying to do ANYTHING implies there's a problem, and thus I should do nothing. And yet when I do nothing, well.. I'm just here. Being here is grand, but even when I obsolve into the moment I don't have those amazing days like I did when I first started. Perhaps that is because I have gone round and round with this for months and months, and it's like a catch 22 paradox that I don't know how to get out of. I don't do anything and I just feel bland, desires don't have emotion, but then TRYING to do anything (such as finding things to be grateful for) ends up causing resistance because it's somehow inherently showing there is something 'to be solved.'
I do have my good days where I will be more in tune with flow, and I'll actually feel very enthusiastic and AWESOME. These happen maybe a few times a week. Mixed in are just as many days where I feel like how I described above... knowing that I can feel SO MUCH MORE, but for some reason not being there. The answer is quite obvious, what ideally I would do. Do what feels good... and be in the moment, but I find that with an idle mind I have a lot of random noise that doesn't aid in anything, and 'trying' to detach from it generally goes WELL for ... an hour, before I'm back to my same 'self' again.
It's like I have tried making a vision board numerous times, and every time the next day I'm back at square one where I don't really care anymore.
This is kind of rambling, hehe.. This is oh so tricky to explain because of it's innately paradoxical nature :mrgreen:
Basically my desire is to get to a place where 99% of my thoughts and feelings have INCREDIBLE weight, texture, and FLAVOR. Delicious positive, glorious flavor which just beams with positivity and good feelings. I feel like a mind like that could just FLOW OVER any possible negative thought that comes in. Creative power would be extremely POTENT and powerful. Creativity would flow so effortlessly... When I read abraham I FEEL like that, those words come across the page with such vivacity and power.
20 minutes after I put the book down, or 20 minutes after i write down 50 things I appreciate... I'm back to this... my mind seems to have lots of idle random thoughts and no weight... not enough to get the snowball rolling.
Everytime i get the snowball started to roll down the hill to get bigger, the sun comes out, and then it melts. after all the snow is melted... is snows again, and i have to start to reroll a snowball into something big... then the sun comes out before it rolls down the hill. etc. hehe
When I envision the person who has really gotten to a place of FEELING GOOD much of the time, like esther or a CEO of a good corporation (maybe they don't know of LOA, but they are very aware of the way thoughts affect them, and they always have very disciplined minds), I see them as having that awesome mindset. I can't seem to 'allow in' this mindset though because allowing is just PASSIVE. But when I set forth to consciously THINK and APPRECIATE, to be ACTIVE in developing this mindset, this 'thinking' and 'trying' tends to just cause resistance rather than moving towards that FLOWING mindset that is ALWAYS aware and mindful and ENJOYING that I oh so so desire.
How do I get THERE.
With love and threesomes :dance: :mrgreen: